Lessons
by HouseofHastings
Summary: Spencer has attempted to commit suicide when life gets too much for her. She's told that she wasn't meant to die and gets stuck in a limbo being forced to meet five people who will change her outlook on life by teaching her a lesson. One of the five is Emily Fields. Follow Spencer on her journey as she realises what life really is. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys,**

**Check out my other story Hope Breeds Eternal Misery if you haven't already. It's completely different from this story. Literally. Okay well let's get started. I based this off the book The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Alborn which you should all read.**

**A/N: This has mentions of cutting/suicide etc. so if it's triggering don't read this. **

I didn't know what I expected dying to be like, but it wasn't like this. I didn't realize how painful it would actually be. The slices in my arms and legs throbbed as my deep red blood stained the white tile of my bathroom floor. It was all I could do not to scream out in agony. But if I let out so much as a whimper they would find me. That was the last thing I wanted. I was done with this life, ready to move on to what awaited me in the next. Even if it was eternal nothingness, it was better than staying here.

Finally darkness over took me and I was gone.

* * *

"Where am I?" I came to in the middle of a stage. The hundreds of rows of empty seats glared back at me like disproving eyes and I ducked my head in shame. That's when I noticed I was dressed as if I was going to work out, in sneakers, yoga pants, and an oversized tee shirt.

"What's going on?" I picked myself up off the floor and shouted out over the empty room. "Did I do it? Did I die?" My voiced echoed back at me, raw and ragged with suppressed emotion.

"Hi Spencer."

I spun around at the sound of the girl's voice. Approaching me from backstage was a short, white skinned girl with dark brown hair and gorgeous hazel eyes. Nervously I took a step back. "Who are you and how do you know my name?"

"I'm Aria," she held out a hand. I ignored it and she finally let it drop to her side. "I'm here to help you."

"Help me? What do you mean?"

Aria didn't answer. She continued to walk towards me and I continued to back away, unsure of where I was or what was going on. Aria finally stopped, "I'm not going to hurt you Spencer. You don't have to be scared."

"Who are you?" I screamed. I was confused and alone and terrified. I thought dying would fix those things. I thought dying would take away the pain.

"I told you, my name is Aria and I'm here to help you."

"Help me with what? I'm dead. I succeeded. It's a little too late for help now."

Aria gave a small half smile, "It's never too late to help, Spencer."

Suddenly the scene changed. I found myself standing on the same stage, but it was no longer empty. Men and women milled around, their eyes on a man holding a microphone. Aria was nowhere to be seen.

"Ladies to the front!" the man with the mic called and I watched as everyone stepped back except a few lines of girls.

"Oh sorry," I moved out of the way of a brunette girl. She didn't even look in my direction. "Rude much?" I huffed. I turned on my heel and stalked away, accidently running straight into an older, motherly looking woman.

I screamed out in shock when I passed right through her.

I took a deep breath to control my pounding heart. "You're dead Spencer," I whispered to myself. "Of course you can walk right through people." But if I was dead, how did I still have a heartbeat?

A faint voice in my head answered the question. "This is a memory."

As I watched the girls act I wondered why I had been brought here.

"Wait, where's Aria?" A male voice called out.

A few seconds of harried whispering later I saw a handsome looking man stand. I recognised him as Ezra Fitch, a famous writer back in my grandmother's time. Why had I been brought so far back into the past?

I saw Ezra head backstage and I followed, hoping he would lead me to Aria. I had a lot of questions that needed to be answered.

"Aria why aren't you out there?" Ezra sat down next to a younger looking Aria. I noticed the pink strand of hair and smirked. Those were out of fashion years ago.

"I can't act," Aria answered. "I don't want to go out there and look stupid."

"You're ruining this for yourself," Ezra gave her a disapproving look. "Don't throw it all away."

This was Aria's memory; that much I had figured out. But why was she showing it to me?

"All right?" Ezra clapped her on the back. "Let's go."

Aria nodded and followed Ezra onto the stage. I watched as she joined the other girls and attempted her lines. She wasn't very good, but neither were many others.

My vision blurred and when it cleared the stage was once again empty except for me and the older version of Aria.

"Well?" she asked, sticking her hands in her pockets.

"Well what? I don't get it."

Aria sighed and sat down on the edge of the stage, the heels of her military boots knocking against the wood. I cautiously joined her, getting comfortable a few feet away. I didn't understand how her memory was supposed to help me in any way.

"By the way, what was that?"

Aria looked up from her phone when I spoke but didn't respond.

I made a joke to cover my confusion of this whole deal. "I didn't know there was cell phone reception in heaven."

"We're not in heaven," she replied shortly.

"So this is hell than?" I spread out my arms to indicate the echoing quiet of the auditorium. "It's not as bad as I thought it would be."

"No it's not hell."

"What is it then?"

"A limbo between realities. On one side you have life, the other death. We're in the middle."

"And why am I here?"

Aria was still staring out over the sea of seats, "You're supposed to be learning some valuable life lessons."

I let out a sarcastic laugh, "It's too late for life lessons. How about some death lessons instead?"

"I told you," Aria's deep brown eyes met mine. "It's never too late."

"But I'm dead." I liked the way it sound rolling off my tongue so I said it again, louder this time. "I'm dead!"

Suddenly Aria's hands were gripping the tops of my arms tightly. She spoke slowly, through gritted teeth. "No Spencer Hastings, you are not dead."

"I am!" I wrenched away. I had to be dead, I just had to be. "I killed myself this morning! Look!" I thrust out my arms, flipping them over to reveal the raw scars on my wrists. I was surprised to find the skin smooth and flawless, as if it had never been damaged.

"What?" I murmured in confusion as I ran my fingers gently over the perfect skin. Where were my scars? I'd been cutting for years. "Where did they go?"

Aria shrugged nonchalantly, "We don't have injuries here."

"What do you mean?"

"Any signs of previous self-harm are removed while you are in my limbo."

"This is so weird," I muttered. "So how do I get out of this 'limbo' and just get on with being dead?"

"Depends," the dull thud of her heels hitting the wooden stage was starting to annoy me. So was the way she wouldn't straight up answer my questions.

"Depends on what Aria?"

"It depends on how well you learn." Aria climbed to her feet and held out a hand to help me up. "Want to dance?"

She had just told me I was stuck in some limbo between life and death, wouldn't clue me in on how to get out of it, and skirted around every question I asked. Now she wanted to dance?

"No thank you," I replied stiffly. At least not until she stopped talking in circles.

"Okay," she stuck her hands deep into her pockets and stood above me awkwardly. I could feel her eyes burning a hole into the back of my head.

"Do I get privacy in this limbo world? Or am I stuck with you for the rest of eternity?" That came out a little harsher than I planned. Woops. Well, it was only to be expected. I mean, she couldn't even answer a simple question and I was getting tired off all this not knowing. I just wanted to be dead, as in none existent. This limbo world wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I took the razor to my body this morning.

"No privacy sorry, but you won't be with me the whole time. There are other people you have to meet."

"Wonderful," I got to my feet. "How many more until I'm out of here?"

"Well you can't meet them until I finish with you."

There she goes talking in circles again. "And how exactly do you 'finish' with me?"

"Once you learn my life lesson you get to move on."

"Enlighten me. What is this life lesson I so desperately need to learn in order to be dead?"

Aria looked appalled, "Well I can't just tell you, can I? You have to figure it out on your own."

"What?" All this confusion was making my head hurt. If I knew dying would be so difficult, I might have thought it through a bit more. "And doesn't this seem like a bit of an oxymoron to you? A life lesson so I can pass on to death?"

"You weren't supposed to die Spencer. That's why you are here in the limbo. If it was your time you would have passed safely through to the afterlife."

"But I want to be dead." This was more confusing than Latin. Why couldn't I just be dead?

"Well someone out there," Aria waved her arms around in exaggerated circles, "doesn't want you to be dead. And unfortunately for you, they have the power."

"So no matter what happens here in this limbo, I will wake up alive?"

Aria sighed and ran a hand through her long, dark brown hair. "Look it's complicated all right? You might end up alive, you might end up dead. It's not up to me."

"I didn't realize dying would be so much of a hassle," I laughed uncomfortably. "I thought it would be the easy way out."

"Killing yourself is never the answer babe."

"Did you?"

Aria looked taken aback at my question, "Did I what?"

My sad brown eyes met her magnetic hazel ones, "Did you kill yourself?"

"No."

"Then why are you here?"

"I'm a guide. It's my job."

"You were alive once obviously." The memory told me as much. "So how come you ended up here when you died?"

"I'm not dead," Aria rubbed her temples tiredly. "Look, do you really have to ask all these questions? I've done this hundreds of times before and I've never met anyone as nosey as you."

"Sorry," my sarcasm was not lost on her. "Next time I kill myself and end up in a crazy world with a random girl who tells me I have to learn a life lesson in order to either keep living or move on to the afterlife I will make sure not to ask any questions."

"Those kinds of questions are fine, even though I obviously can't answer them too well. I meant the questions about me. This isn't about me okay? It's about you. So who I am and why I'm here is irrelevant."

"What do you mean you aren't dead?" I had never been one for obeying instructions.

"I mean that I'm alive, back on earth. The memory of my former self lives here in the limbo. It's my job to help wayfaring strangers find their way to where they belong." Aria reached into her pocket and pulled out a laminated card.

She handed it over to me and I quickly scanned it, reading the typed text out loud. "Aria Montgomery, age 18, Nephilim."

I gave it back and she put it away, "What does that mean? Nephilim?"

"Religious people believe we are the offspring of an angel and a mortal being. They believe we are the sons and daughters of the fallen angels, those who were banned from heaven after the war. But really we are guides here, because like the limbo we are not quite reality or afterlife. We are a combination of the two. Just like this place."

"But you said you are alive. You know, on earth."

"I am. Everyone has the potential to be a Nephilim, the power lives inside all of us. Not everyone can tap into it properly though. When I was 18, I did. So here I am, trapped as a 18 year old in a limbo between life and death. My real self doesn't know I exist here. I'm just a piece, ripped off and preserved in order to help others learn what I learned when I was 18."

"The life lesson?"

"Yes," Aria nodded.

"Wow this is confusing," I sat down and put my head in my hands. Nothing made sense.

"That's why I told you not to ask," Aria crouched next to me and put a comforting arm around my shoulder. "It's easier if you don't try to understand."

"Yeah," I laughed drily. "Much easier."

"Come on," Aria pulled me to my feet. "It's getting late."

"It gets late here in the limbo?" It sounded insane. This was madness.

"Well, right now you are in my version of the limbo. We are existing in the place where I learned the life lesson I need to teach you. And that day, it did get late. So here in my limbo, it gets late."

"If I make it out of this on the alive side of things, I am definitely telling everyone I know not to kill themselves. It's too much work." I had been 'dead' for about twenty minutes and here I was making jokes about it.

"You're the only one who has ever asked for an explanation about who I am," Aria smiled at me. "You're different."

A cold shiver ran through my blood and I pulled away, "I know I'm freakin different. Why do you think I wanted to be dead in the first place?"

A look of horror crossed Aria's face as she realized what she had done. I may have been acting like this was all a big joke, but I had just killed myself. There were reasons for doing it.

"I didn't mean it like that Spencer. You're good different."

"Save it, I know I'm a freak." I took off at a run across the stage, my sneakers pounding on the wood. I could see an exit sign hanging just off stage and I aimed myself at it, ready to break through and leave Aria and his judgments behind.

"No Spencer don't!" Aria was right on my heels, but I managed to reach the door before her. I pushed it open and was about to step out when an arm wrapped itself tightly around my waist. Another hand slammed the door shut, cutting off the blinding light that had been coming from behind it.

I fell to the ground, landing on top of Aria. She was panting, her face flushed from the dash across the stage.

"Get off me," I pushed her away and stalked over to the far corner of the stage. I proceed to stand there and pout.

After about ten minutes Aria cautiously wandered over. "I'm sorry Spencer, but you can't go out there. I had to stop you."

"Why can't I go out there?" Her words from before still stung, but I pushed the dark thoughts aside.

"Because if you go out there, that's it. There's no chance of living, no chance of dying. You implode. Boom, gone."

"That doesn't sound too bad. It makes more sense than this."

"No!" Aria grabbed my arm and held me back. "Please don't. Please. There's still time to save you."

"Don't you get it? I don't want to be saved!" I felt the hot tears begin to prick at my eyes. "I don't want to hurt anymore."

Aria placed one hand on each of my cheeks, forcing me to look her in the eyes. "Spencer you are funny, sarcastic, curious, beautiful, and your potential is limitless. You weren't meant to die. The world needs you."

"The world is full of people better than me," I reached up and removed her hands from my face. "Stop lying to me."

This time I didn't run away from her. I walked slowly, climbing off the stage and heading into the sea of seats. I kept walking, not looking back. Finally I reached the last row. Once there I curled up in one of the plush seats. Only then did I let my tears fall.

**Tell me what you think. Spemily will come soon. Promise. Until then review to let me know how I'm doing. I'm going to try and juggle both stories at once so bear with me.**

**Until the next chapter, bye for now!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I realised that I put Emily instead of Spencer in my last chapter and I just fixed it. Sorry I don't have a Beta. Sorry if it confused anyone. I'll try not to make any more errors because I got confused when I read it over and realised what I did. It's because I wasn't sure whether I wanted to make Spencer or Emily the one who was going through this. Anyway. Read on.**

I woke up to the faint whisper of music in the auditorium. I uncurled myself from the seat and stretched. I had no idea how long I had slept. As a matter of fact, I didn't even know if I needed sleep. This whole 'limbo' thing was still a mystery to me.

I wandered towards the front of the room, yawning and muttering under my breath. If I was going to be here for a while I was defiantly going to have to find a more comfortable place to sleep.

Aria was sitting on the edge of the stage, her fingers flying over the keys of her phone. The music was emitting from the iPod at Aria's side. In the immense quiet of the limbo, the sound appeared a lot larger than it actually was.

I didn't recognize the song playing, but it sounded like some indie tune.

Aria looked up when I approached. "Sorry," she shut off the music and silence engulfed the room. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay," I rubbed my eyes and joined her on the stage. "Do I even need to sleep?"

She shrugged, "Well you don't technically need it but if you are going to be here for a while I would suggest it."

"How long am I going to be here?"

"I don't know. That's up to you," Aria slipped the phone back into her pocket and met my gaze. "Once you learn the lesson you move on. But you are being stubborn. We could be here for weeks."

"Weeks?"

"Well yeah. You can't leave until you figure out the lesson on your own. I'm not allowed to help you."

I sighed and pulled my brown hair up into a messy ponytail, "How long are most people usually here?"

"Not very long. When I tell them that they are here to learn something, they usually don't question me. You on the other hand…" she trailed off, as if she didn't want to stay too much and put me in a mood again. "It just depends."

"What if I don't want to leave?"

My question caught Aria off-guard and she gave me a strange look, "Yesterday all you wanted was to get on with being dead, now you don't want to leave?"

"This is completely hypothetical, but say someone came here and fell in love with you. If they refused to learn the lesson would they stay here forever with you?"

Aria ran a hand through her hand, "I have no idea. No one has ever asked me that before."

"You should know the answer to these types of things." I knew what Aria's lesson was; I had known it since returning from the memory. But I wasn't ready to move on, to be thrown into a new situation without knowing all the details. That's why I was asking so many questions.

"It's not like I was handed a rule book or anything," Aria rolled her eyes. "When I started this I was just as confused as you were."

"How long have you been a Nephilim?"

"Over fifty years."

I nodded. I had guessed as much, seeing as she had been 18 in Ezra Fitch's time. It appeared that real Aria was around the same age as my grandmother. "I thought so."

"Really?"

"Well yeah." I sat down next to Aria and gave her a slight smile. "You were a teenager in the memory with Ezra Fitch. I know that Ezra was this big literature guy from when my grandma was growing up. So using this," I tapped my brain, "I guessed that you were about 70 in real life now."

"Not bad," Aria actually seemed really impressed. "You are putting a lot of thought it to this whole thing."

I shrugged, "I'm an over thinker. It's one of the things that led to me killing…" I hesitated and tried to find a more appropriate word, "attempting to kill myself."

"Being an over thinker isn't necessarily a bad thing."

"The way I do it is," I fiddled with the hair tie on my wrist. I didn't really want to talk about this anymore. "Who do you text? You obviously can't contact real people."

Once again Aria looked surprised. I smiled to myself a bit; I'm a quiet person, we notice everything.

"You really do pay attention," she pulled the phone out and held it up to me. "The only people I can talk to on here are the other four Nephilim that you are going to meet. One of them was just asking about your progress. You go to her next."

"Nah," I leaned back, crossing my legs at the ankle. "I don't plan on leaving here."

"You have to."

"I don't have to do anything," I raised an eyebrow at her. "There's no one around to tell me what to do anymore, no one to judge me, no one to make me feel like I'm worthless. It's just me and you and I know you won't hurt me."

"You would stay here, in this empty auditorium, for the rest of forever?"

I shrugged, "Sure why not. I mean, you do it."

"I do it because it's my job. I have no choice."

"Well I do have a choice, and I choose to stay here." I leaned over so I was inches from Aria's face and spoke slowly, Sandlot style. That movie was a classic. "Forever."

Suddenly the lights in the auditorium began flashing and I felt a hand grip mine. Everything went black and the only thing that existed was the pressure of Aria's hand in mine and the shallow gasps of her breath.

"What's happening?" she yelled into the empty space. "What's going on?"

"Aria?" I noticed that my voice had gone up an octave but I didn't know how to control it. "What is this?"

"I don't know," I could hear the panic in her voice. "This has never happened before."

A booming voice suddenly filled my head and I screamed in agony, pulling my hand out of Aria's so I could grab my head. "You can't stay here," the voice screamed.

"Ahhhh," I clutched my head and double over in pain. The voice was eating my brain.

"Get out!" it roared. "She hates you just like everyone else. You are a waste of space. She doesn't want you coming into her world and ruining it."

"Spencer?" Aria's hand landed lightly on my shoulder. "Are you all right?"

"Don't touch me," I spat out. "You're just like everyone else. You don't want me around."

"No, I never said that!"

"I bet you thought it!" the voice in my head was speaking through me. The same voice that told me every day how worthless I was.

"Spencer, calm down."

"Don't be afraid to try something new just because you think you will be bad at it," the words slipped out. I couldn't control what I was saying. "That was your life lesson. I'll leave you alone now. Sorry for bothering you."

"Spencer no!"

But it was too late. I blacked out and was gone.

**Sorry again if there are any errors in this. I'm going to go over it and back to my other story because I'm juggling both. Ok bye for now.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm in Tech class and I'm bored. I was going to update and my teacher asked what I was doing. My response was writing gay porn. Which is only half true. He isn't asking me anymore questions now.**

**This chapter is un beta'd so all errors are mine. I try my best to make sure I don't make any. Anywho, enjoy reading.**

"What the …?" I sat up in shock, surprised not to feel solid ground underneath my body. I tipped over and suddenly all the air was gone. I thrashed about in a panic, too woozy to realise that I was underwater. I screamed but no sound came out, only tiny bubbles emerged from my lips.

A firm arm wrapped itself around my waist and I was pulled out of the water. Gasping I was tugged onto dry ground by my rescuer, a gorgeous teenage girl with dripping wet blonde hair and the warmest blue eyes I had ever seen. She looked extremely concerned as I choked up water.

"Shit, are you all right?" she reached out and tenderly brushed a strand of damp hair away from my eyes. "Please say you are okay."

I sat up slowly and she quickly sprang to help me, placing a hand on the small of my back and another on my arm as she guided me into a sitting position.

"Why," I spoke softly so that the girl had to lean in to hear me properly, "the hell was I on a raft in a freakin' pool? I could have drowned!" I screamed the last bit and she stumbled back in surprised, tripping and landing hard on her backside.

The girl just looked at me, a small pout crossing her features. We sat in silence and I wondered when she would speak.

"You can't die in the limbo," she finally muttered.

"Aria told me I could implode," I was suddenly aware that I was no longer dressed in workout clothes, but instead in a white summer dress. I quickly crossed my arms to cover myself up and blushed slightly.

"Here," the girl got up and went over to a wicker chair by the side of the pool. She handed me a shirt, "Have this."

I glared at her, grabbing the shirt from her hand and slipping into it. "Well?"

"Well what?" she sat back down and crossed her legs Indian style. "What do you want from me?"

"You said I can't die. Aria told me I could implode. Explain."

"Are you always so bossy?" The look that crossed my face must had told her she had gone too far because her blue eyes welled up with regret. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

"Stupid Hanna," she murmured to himself. "Why would you say that? Be nice."

I couldn't help but smile a bit; she was actually quite adorable.

"Why was I in the pool?" She was starting to get off track. Unlike Aria, who would talk in circles, this kid was just ignoring my questions completely. That was not going to go over well with me.

"Well you were on the patio and you looked uncomfortable," she blushed. "So I umm moved you to the float cause it was softer."

"You didn't think that one through very well did you?"

"No, I guess not." She shook out her hair, which was starting to become wavy as it dried. "Sorry bout that."

I shrugged, "I guess I forgive you."

"Good," she laughed a little, squinting her eyes in an extremely cute way. "I don't want you mad at me when we've just met."

"Do you know Aria?"

"Well duh. Of course."

"Do you have a cell phone?"

The girl looked confused, "Yeah but you can't call anyone on earth on it."

"Can I see it?"

"Why?"

"Please?"

Still giving me a strange look she walked over to a small table and grabbed the phone. She tossed it into my lap and I grabbed it. Her contact list was small, only four names. Toby, Paige, Emily, and Aria. I assumed I would soon be meeting the first three.

I quickly called Aria, bringing the ringing phone to my ear as the Hanna girl stared at me.

"What's happening Hanna? Is she awake yet?"

"Hi Aria."

"Spencer?" Confusion coated Aria's voice. "What are you doing?"

"Am I the first non-Nephilim to ever call you?"

"Well yeah."

I beamed at her answer. I liked that I was making this whole 'limbo' thing different for everybody. "I just wanted to say sorry for the things I yelled at you before I left. I didn't mean any of them."

"Then why did you say them?"

I didn't know how to put it into words. It wasn't something you could describe to other people, unless they had experienced it themselves. "There's a voice in my head, constantly telling me I'm not good enough. And sometimes it just comes out. I can't control it. Everything just becomes too much and I feel like shit and I just don't want to live anymore. It was the worst on the day I killed myself. It encouraged me to go on with it, to move on to somewhere better."

"It's wrong you know. You aren't worthless. You are amazing."

"Thanks Aria," I whispered. "Thanks for everything." I pressed end on the call and silently handed the phone back to Hanna.

She took it and slipped it into her pocket, her deep blue eyes staring straight into my soul. I broke our eye contact, deciding instead to focus my attention on our surroundings. We were standing on a brick patio next to a pool. There was a large house behind us and somewhere in the distance I could hear the crashing of waves on a shore.

"Where's the limit?"

Hanna didn't seem to understand my question so I rephrased it. "Where can I go without imploding?"

"Oh," her face lit up with recognition. "Pool and patio only, sorry."

"Fine," I walked over and sat at the edge of the pool, dangling my feet in the crystal clear water. It was a gorgeous day out and the sun felt nice on my face. "Can I get a tan in the limbo?"

Hanna shrugged as she made herself comfortable at my side. I tried not to focus too much on her toned abs, but her six pack was a little distracting. She was absolutely gorgeous in a look at me I'm Paris Hilton way, more obvious than Aria. But without a doubt she and Aria were the two most attractive people I had ever seen.

"Figures," I muttered. "All the hot girls exist in a weird limbo world that is not quite death and not quite life. What kind of sick joke is that?"

"Hey," Hanna protested, unphased by the fact that I was gay. "We were this attractive once in real life too. Being a Nephilim doesn't make you fit."

"The guys must have gone wild for you," my attempts to stop eyeing her body were proving futile. "Especially when you took your shirt off."

Hanna blushed a little but I could tell from her satisfied smile that she had worked hard to look as good as she did. "I try my best."

I kicked my feet through the water, sending a spray of drops dancing across the cloudless sky. "So, you gonna teach me a lesson or not?"

"Well I thought we could talk first if that's all right with you."

"Talk? About what?"

"You and what lead to your," she looked a little uncomfortable as she searched for a word that wouldn't insult me, "reason for being here."

"You want to know why I killed myself."

"Pretty much, yeah."

I eyed her suspicious, "What are you like a shrink or something?"

"I like to think of myself more as a friend."

"Before you start asking me questions, can I ask you one?"

"Of course," Hanna beamed at me.

"Are you guys all straight?"

"What makes you say that?" she smirked questioningly.

"You're angels and all belonging to God."

"Nephilim you mean. And I would argue it isn't a sin to be gay but that's another discussion. If we're all straight?" She shook her head, sending drops of water flying everywhere. "No we're not. You're gonna meet lesbian next."

I nodded to myself, tuning Hanna out as I thought. I had four stages left, including Hanna, before I would find out my fate. Four more stages to see if I would wake up alive or not. I didn't like this one bit. What if somewhere along this road I decided that I wanted to be alive? It would hurt too much if I found out that I was never going to wake up again.

I wondered if they, whoever they were, had planned it this way. I knew I was supposed to be learning five life lessons, but was I also supposed to be learning that I didn't want to be dead? Was this set up purely to show me what I was missing in life?

"Everything all right Spencer?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking about everything. Can I stay here with you?"

"What?"

"I asked Aria the same thing. What if I didn't want to leave? What if I decided I want to spend my rest of the life in the limbo, living here with you?"

"I'm not really sure that's allowed." Hanna searched through her pockets, finally coming up with an extremely worn sheet of paper.

"What's that?" I leaned over to get a better look and promptly lost my balance and fell in the pool.

As I sunk to the bottom I watched my white dress billow out around me. I gracefully folded my feet under myself and sat on the bottom of the pool, spreading my dress so I appeared legless. I'd always wanted to just sit underwater and do nothing and since Hanna said I couldn't die in the limbo, I figured I might as well stay down here.

I closed my eyes and felt the water moving around me. I could sense the sunlight dappling the water and was surprised when it seemed like darkness descended. I opened my eyes and saw that Hanna had joined me in the pool, but she remained on the surface of the water.

She started kicking and failing her arms, churning the water around me and ruining my peace. Eventually she stopped and drifted down to join me. Crossing her legs and arms allowed her to sink to the bottom directly across from me. Our knees touched through the thin fabric of my dress.

"Hi Spencer."

I screamed out loud when I heard Hanna's voice echoing in my head and went to push myself up to the surface. She grabbed my arm and stopped me. "It's okay; I can communicate with you through your mind. You can hear me and I can hear you, but only if its thoughts directed at me. Try it."

More craziness to add to this mixture, how wonderful. I focused my thoughts on Hanna's cute face and gave it a go. "Hello Hanna."

She beamed at me through the dappled water. "See isn't that cool?"

I nodded and blew a few bubbles in her face. I actually thought it was really freaky but at least this way she had no way of forcing me to talk to her. She could talk to me all she wanted, but I was not going to respond. Eventually she would get tired of me, show me the memory, and I could get out of here without exploring my feelings.

"So how was your visit with Aria?"

Visit seemed to imply that I had been expecting to see her, so I corrected Hanna. "It wasn't a visit. I had no choice."

"Okay, how was the time you spent with Aria?"

I didn't want to answer to many questions, because I didn't want Hanna getting the impression that I was willing to open up to her. So I didn't respond.

"Can you hear me?"

"Spencer?" Hanna reached out and took my face in her hands. "Answer me."

I shook my head, "I don't want to talk."

"Please?" Hanna gave me a puppy dog face. "I want to help make you better."

"No one can make me better." I kicked up off the bottom of the pool and shot through still surface of the water. I climbed out of the pool and dropped down into one of the chairs, curling myself into a ball. I heard Hanna's bare feet slapping their way towards me and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, as if that would keep her away.

"Spencer?" she whispered, her hand coming down to rest lightly on my arm. "Don't say that."

"Go away," I murmured.

"Where exactly am I supposed to go?" She was trying to be funny but it wasn't working. I didn't want to talk to her.

"Go swim," I mumbled into the crock of my arm.

"No I'd rather just sit here with you." I felt the bottom of the lounge chair sink as Hanna's weight was added to it. She could sit there all she wanted, but I wasn't going to talk.

Five, ten, fifteen minutes passed in silence. Twenty, a half hour, two hours.

Hanna wasn't giving in.

But neither was I. If I had to spend the rest of eternity in silence, then so be it.


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm anxious to get to Emily so I'll keep writing. Read on! **

**Un beta'd but I think I did well. Any errors are mine.**

* * *

"All right you win," Hanna cleared her throat. "Can we stop being quiet now?"

I cracked open an eye and saw that dusk had settled over Hanna's limbo, the streaks of red, pink, and orange painting the sky. I hadn't expected to experience a sunset ever again and for some reason this threw me off. I guess the old saying is true, it really is the simple things in life.

I sat up, still not speaking. Hanna was watching me from the end of the lounge chair. Her hair had dried in waves around her blue eyes and her (what recently looked) done eyebrows were crinkled as she studied me. I didn't say a word and I could see she was growing uncomfortable.

"Please say something. It's been six hours since you last spoke."

I didn't acknowledge her, choosing instead to study the grass growing around the patio.

"I just wanted to be your friend," she murmured darkly. "I don't see why that's such a problem."

I sighed, "No one ever just wants to be my friend."

A warm smile broke her face. "It speaks," she teased.

I suddenly realized that I saw still wearing her shirt. The sun was dipping behind the strand of trees on the edge of the yard and I could feel the temperature steadily dropping. I pulled off her shirt and held it out, "This is yours."

"Keep it," she waved her hand. "I don't need it."

I shook my head and dropped it in her lap. "I get new clothes when I move on to the next limbo. I won't need it."

She shrugged in to it as I watched the muscles in her stomach stretch and dance with her movements. If she noticed me looking she didn't say anything.

"Why is that?" I blurted. It was another question that had been tugging at the back of my mind as Hanna and I sat in silence. "Why do I change clothes?"

"It's just to match the situation so you are comfortable."

"Does it get boring? Being a Nephilim?" I picked at the polish on my nails. I always had problems with looking people in the eye.

"Kind of. I don't get to go shopping as much as I used to, but I do get to meet lots of people and talk to the others whenever I want."

"Can you visit them?"

Hanna shook her head, "I can't go past the boundary either."

I wrapped my arms around my knees as I pulled them up to my chest. It was starting to get slightly chilly out. A whispered breeze danced over the surface of the internally lighted pool, making the water ripple and ruffle.

"Are you still alive in real life too?"

Hanna looked a little uncomfortable, "Me and my real life form are two completely separate people. She's irrelevant."

"But you were once her," I rested my chin on my knees. "Even if you are separate now at one point you were one entity."

"I died five years ago," she finally responded.

"How?" I leaned forward in interest. I loved hearing about death.

"Car accident. Why does it matter?"

"Just curious," I twirled a strand of dark brown around my pointer finger. "Did you feel it?"

"What?" Hanna's eyes flashed to mine briefly before I glanced away.

"When your real form died, did you feel it?"

"Look Spencer, me and my 'real life' form are separate. Nothing I do affects her and nothing she does affects me."

"You're upset about dying," I pointed out. "So it does affect you."

I could see the internal battle taking place behind her shaded eyes. She was yearning to get it off her chest, but she didn't want to talk about it. But I had succeeded in my original goal, to get the topic of conversation away from me. Now I just needed her to show me her memory and I could get out of here and move on to limbo number three.

"It's just weird," she finally blurted. "Knowing that I'm gone. I'm nothing more than a memory now."

"But at least you're here. All the people you teach a lesson will remember you."

"No," Hanna shook out her curls. "If you survive the limbo you forget me. You wake up in the hospital or whatever remembering a vague dream. You will know what we taught you, but you will never know who we are."

Aria had forgotten to mention that part. "I won't remember you at all?"

"Not a thing," Hanna was studying my face closely. "Does that bother you?"

"A bit," I mumbled.

"If you die you'll remember us," Hanna spoke up unhelpfully. "You can go visit real me if you die."

"Well isn't that just something to look forward to," I muttered sarcastically. "You won't know who I am."

"Oh yeah," Hanna's face fell. "Well then I guess you're just gonna have to survive and deal with not knowing me."

"I can't get out of here if you don't teach me your stupid lesson."

"Fine," Hanna rolled her eyes. "We can do that now."

Her words were still ringing in my ears as the scene melted away.

* * *

**I'm just gonna go write chapter for my other story before I continue with Hanna's memory. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to portray her as Spencer and Hanna usually are, like bitchy I guess because Spencer's a tad sensitive in this as you saw what happened with Aria. So sorry if the OOC bothers you.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys,**

**Hope you had a nice day! Or are having one... or will have one... Ya feel me. Anyway, if anyone wants to Beta for me or if you know anyone who could Beta please tell me because school's started and I really can't be bothered going over my work. Enough of me, on with the story!**

* * *

I found myself staring straight at a younger, much more nervous, looking Hanna. She was sitting in front of a man and biting her lip.

"I'm sorry, it's bad news," the man was saying.

I watched as Hanna dropped her head in her hands and started to cry.

I had barely processed what had happened before the scene changed again.

I was sitting in the audience of what appeared to be a runway. An older version of Hanna was seated, looking gorgeous in a white, flowing dress and black hells. I was curious as to what was going on, but before I went to ask her I remembered that she couldn't could see me.

I noticed the man and a few other important looking people sitting at a table in front of the stage. It suddenly dawned on me. This was a fashion show.

The people at the table exchanged a few words and then music began to play. Hanna sat still, barely moving. The music fell and rose. I held my breath as I waited for what was about to come.

When the models came out my mouth dropped open. What they were wearing was incredible. I recognised the clothes from my grandmother's time, but even if I tried using them in this day and age I couldn't pull it off so magnificently. When the song finished the entire audience was on their feet. Were these designed by Hanna? I saw the man rise, his applause obviously meaning the most to her. Each judge gave her a nod, I guessed that was good thing because the smile on her face was infectious.

The scene changed once again and I saw a line of people standing on stage.

"That's it guys, I'm sorry." the man gave an apologetic shrug of his shoulder. What? Hanna was eliminated from whatever this was again? What kind of lesson was that?

Again the scene swirled and changed. Now Hanna and three other girls were standing on one side of the stage. Four boys mirrored their anxious and confused expressions on the other side.

"We're throwing you guys a lifeline. You're through to design as groups." the man smiled.

Apparently this was great news because the eight designers on stage exploded with happiness. The girls hugged as I was transported once again.

I was on the patio where I had met the Nephilim version of Hanna. She was standing with her arms around the other three girls. They were watching the man, who was sitting cool and collected in front of them.

"I've gone with my heart," he smiled. The four girls were ecstatic. Hugs and tears were exchanged as I faded out once again.

Finally I was back with the real Hanna.

"Well?" she demanded.

I clutched my head, "Your memories are too short and choppy. I'm dizzy from all that switching things up."

"Sorry," she gave an unconvincing shrug.

Her lesson was simple. Even though the memories had been short and unexplained, I had understood the gist. "Never give up on your dreams," I answered.

"Correct," Hanna smiled at me. "Good luck out there in the real world Spencer."

I managed a small smile before darkness overcame me.

* * *

I woke up very uncomfortably on a set of stairs. I looked around, searching for any signs of my next Nephilim. To my immense surprise I was alone.

"Finally," I murmured as I stretched. There was no one to pry into my 'feelings' or teach me stupid lessons.

I checked out my outfit. I was wearing brown military boots, white socks, shorts, and an oversized cream cable knit sweater. I appeared to be in someone's house. I picked myself up off the stairs and decided to do some exploring.

I started upstairs, going from room to room. The house was massive and filled with tons of unused bedrooms. The only one that seemed occupied was a large room with one bed. I shut the door slightly behind me as I conducted a closer inspection. There were a few bags of chips on the dresser, a wardrobe, a blue jumper tossed on the floor, and the blankets on the bed were crumpled. Other than that the room was spotless.

I wandered over to the dresser and pulled open one of the drawers. It was full of clothes. I shifted through the tee-shirts and sweaters, looking for any clues about the Nephilim who lived here.

"I didn't mean to lose her!" I heard a panicked voice from right outside the door and I caught my breath. I wasn't ready to be found yet. I quickly scrambled in to a wardrobe and standing up as straight as I could, hoping the person wouldn't walk in and look to the side right away.

The door pushed open and I stopped breathing. Not because I was afraid of being caught, but because the girl who stepped into the room was the most beautiful female I had ever seen.

"Stop yelling at me Hanna! I was tired of waiting for her to wake up so I went to get something to eat." The girl ran a hand through her raven brown hair. She rolled her stunning brown eyes as I heard Hanna's voice explode from the phone. Her hair looked like she had just gotten out of an ad for some shampoo brand. It made her dancing brown eyes stand out even more. She was beyond gorgeous.

"I know I don't need to eat!" Her voice making my heart flutter in my chest. It was perfect. "But I like to anyway."

She held the phone away from her ear and I heard Hanna's tiny voice coming through the speaker. "What if she imploded?"

"Calm down," the tan girl grabbed a bag of chips from the dresser and ripped them open. I winced as she spoke with her mouth full. "She has to be around here somewhere."

"Find her," I heard Hanna shout before the line went dead.

"Overreact much?" the girl muttered before tossing her phone onto the bed. She started singing under her breath as she continued munching on the chips. Even though she stopped every now and then to eat another chip, it couldn't compare to any other I'd heard before. Her voice made me forget everything.

"I can see you over there," she raised her breathtaking brown eyes to meet mine. "I'm not an idiot."

"Oh," I turned bright red and walked out from the wardrobe. I stood there awkwardly a good few feet away from the girl, wondering if she had seen me checking her out.

"I'm Emily," she held out a hand, but pulled it back when she realized it was covered in grease from her snack. "Woops," she blushed, her cheeks lighting up the most gorgeous shade of pink I had ever seen.

"Spencer."

* * *

**Finally Emily, about time you showed up. I think I'll finish the next chapter and hop back to my other story (or not because this one's a lot more nice to write) because my teacher sprung an assignment on us and it has put my schedule out of whack.**

**P.S. If you didn't get Hanna's memory she was supposed to be in some fashion show as a designer. I don't watch those shows but I think I got the gist of it. I have no idea who the man is, he was just a judge, and the other girls were random contestants in the show (same with the boys). Is it bad that I need to explain what I wrote? I think it is. Sorry again.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys, **

**Next chapter's again it's un beta'd so all errors are mine plus I'm doing this on my iPod so apologies in advance.**

**Massive thanks to tenseforspence for pointing out my name error in the first chapter. I knew I missed one. I guess I'll dedicate this chapter to you then haha. **

**P.S. The explanation of the food is coming later I had it planned already.**

* * *

I shifted awkwardly from foot to foot as she stared at me. Her brown eyes kept flickering from my eyes to my lips and back again. I didn't know what else to say to her as she continued to search my face.

"Are you hungry?" she held out the chips to me. I shook my head slightly. I didn't eat, ever.

"More for me," she shrugged before dumping the remaining crumbs into her perfect mouth. I watched the tight blue cotton of her shirt ride up and reveal her toned stomach. This girl was going to be the death of me.

"So," she dropped the bag into the garbage bin and shoved her hands deep into the pockets of her shorts. "Want a tour of the house?"

My eyes were locked on the gray strip of her underwear showing above her shorts. I could see just a hint of her sweet skin where her shirt didn't quite touch her pants. I had no idea what she was doing to me. I had never felt this way before.

"Umm sure," I managed to tear my gaze away. I knew my face was bright red.

Emily lead me out of the bedroom, bounding down the hallway like an overly energetic child. She stopped at the top of the main staircase, a different one than that which I had woken up on. She pointed at the wooden banister, "Rule number one in Emily's crib, you must ride that. There is no walking down the stairs."

"Emily's crib?" I laughed, "Is that what you call this place?"

"Course babe," she sat down on the banister and gave me a bright smile before sliding quickly out of sight.

I stared at the banister. I hadn't done anything fun in years. I cautiously ran my hand over it, then looked over the balcony to see Emily waiting for me at the bottom. "Are you coming darling?"

No one had ever called me darling before. It sounded amazing come from her sweet lips. My eyes met her intoxicating brown ones over the balcony and I felt myself melting into them. What was happening to me? She was either 70 years old or dead. There shouldn't be any butterflies in my stomach. I shouldn't feel a blush dancing across my cheeks. She wasn't real.

"Spencer?" I was startled out of my thoughts to see that Emily had joined me at the top of the stairs. She was standing on the second stair, putting her at my eye level. Her brown eyes blinked sweetly as her lips pulled up at the corner. She smiled with her mouth closed, but an adorable tiny dimple popped up in her left cheek. She was the most precious thing I had ever seen.

"H-hi Emily," I stuttered, tearing my gaze away from her.

"Are you scared?"

"What?" her twinkling eyes had erased all other thoughts.

"Are you scared of riding down the banister?" she ran a hand through her dark brown hair as she waited for my answer.

I just shrugged. I wasn't scared, but I was definitely apprehensive.

"Don't be scared," Emily jumped up the last two stairs and joined me at the top. "I'll help you."

"Help me?"

"Yes," she nudged me towards the banister. "Now get on, but don't slide down."

I did as she said, perching my butt on the edge of the banister. I wrapped my foot through one of the supporting beams and tightened my grip so I wouldn't slide.

"Move over a little bit," Emily scooted me over as she joined me on the banister. She slipped an arm around my waist and pulled me close to her. I tried to stay balanced on the thin strip of wood as she brought her other arm around me and hugged me tight to her side. "Okay go!"

I released my foot and we took off, my arms going around Emily as we sped towards the floor. She laughed, a glorious sound that filled me from top to bottom. If I got to hear that every day of my life, I would have never even considered killing myself.

The floor was fast approaching and I had no idea how to dismount with Emily wrapped around me. At the very last second she let go and I stumbled off, landing painfully on my knees. Emily fell onto her butt with a mumbled oomph.

"Ouch," she murmured as she stood and rubbed her tiny butt. Then she held a hand out to me and helped me to my feet. "Now on to the rest of the tour."

We traversed the house, trampling through rooms as Emily pointed out random things. She showed me where she hid the Oreos, her CD collection, my bedroom if I chose to stay for a bit, and the number for the take out guy.

I stood in the kitchen, looking back and forth between Emily and the take out number. She was rocking adorably on her heels, nibbling on an Oreo and staring out the window behind my head.

"Emily?"

"Yeah?" her eyes flickered to mine and she gave me a warm smile.

"Can you actually get take out here?"

"No," her face fell. "I'm the only person who exists here, but I like having the number because it reminds me of my favorite thing in life."

I laughed and reattached the piece of paper to the fridge. She was adorable. "Can I ask you another question?"

"Sure," she popped the rest of her cookie in her mouth. "Shoot."

"Why do you hide the Oreos? You're the only one here."

"Well," she fished her hand around in the blue package, coming up with two of the dark cookies. She held one out to me but I just shook my head. "I don't want anyone coming through to find them. Ya know, like you."

"I don't think most people who just killed themselves and were thrown into a limbo world are too concerned about eating your snacks."

"No, you see," Emily paused to shove a cookie in her mouth," by the time they get to me they have kind of come to terms with this whole 'limbo' deal and they suddenly realize they haven't eaten in ages."

"Really?" I teased as she grabbed another handful of cookies. "Cause I don't believe that."

"Why not?" she looked up from her food and cocked her head to the side as she studied me.

"I wasn't thinking about food at all."

"Well not everyone who comes through is anorexic babe," Emily shoved the package of cookies back under the sink. She didn't even notice the affect her words had on me. How had she known I was anorexic?

"Wanna go outside? It's pretty nice out."

"How did you know?" I blurted out. "That I don't eat?"

"You're really skinny," she headed out of the kitchen and I followed. "And you turned down food every time I offered it."

"Doesn't mean I'm anorexic." No one had ever noticed before. Not my parents, my so called 'friends' or any of the other people I interacted with on a daily basis. Yet this girl saw it immediately. I felt tears welling up in my eyes and blinked a few times, hoping she wouldn't notice. Is this what it felt like to have someone care?

"Spencer," Emily turned around and gave me a sad smile. "I've been doing this for a long time, I can tell."

"Oh," I tucked a strand of brown hair behind my ear. I guess she didn't care about me in particular. It was part of her job.

"Why though?" she stopped with her hand on the knob of the back door, her eyes searching my face. "You don't need to do that. You're beautiful."

I let out a loud cackle, "Funny joke."

Her brown eyes were an endless pool of sadness, "Why don't you believe me?"

"Cause it's not true," I shoved my hands into the pockets of my shorts and looked everywhere but at Emily. "I'm disgusting."

"Not at all," she murmured. Her face flushed a delicate shade of pink, "You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen."

I appreciated her effort, but I still wasn't buying it. Five years of hating everything about myself was not going to be changed by a few compliments. It would take a lot more than that.

I decided to switch up the conversation so I didn't have to deny her lies anymore, "I thought I implode if I go outside." I nodded my chin towards her hand, which was slowly turning the doorknob.

"Nope," she beamed. "You can go in the backyard and be fine. Just don't leave the yard and don't try to go out the front door."

"Got it," I nodded as she pushed the door open completely. We found ourselves in a large backyard complete with a pond and a grassy area big enough to run around in. Emily quickly jogged over to the soccer ball lying in the middle of the yard and kicked it at me.

"Let's play." She was actually giddy with excitement. "I never have anyone to play with."

How could I say no to that precious face? I had no idea how to play soccer, but I didn't care. "All right."

"Yay!" she took off at a sprint across the yard, calling for the ball. I pulled back my foot and stabbed at it meekly. It rolled about two feet.

Emily came to a stop well on the other side of the yard and started to laugh. She doubled over, her hands going to rest on her knees as the sweet sound of her mirth filled the loneliness of the limbo. My normal reaction to being laughed at was to cut, but there was something about Emily's laugh that kept the thought far from my mind. She just sounded happy, not mocking or cruel.

"We're gonna have to work on that love," she teased as she walked towards me. "So that means you have to stay here until I'm satisfied with your football skills."

"You want me to stay?" I was surprised. When I had mentioned staying with the other two girls they had both acted like that was a strange request. Emily seemed to expect it.

The roses that were her smooth cheeks flushed deliciously and she focused her attention on the soccer ball that was now resting in her hands. "Well only if you want to stay. I like having company."

"Aria tried to get rid of me right away and Hanna found it weird when I said I wanted to stay with her," I kicked a clump of grass. "I figured you wouldn't want me around either. No one ever does."

"Sure they do," Emily tossed me the ball and I caught it. She took a few steps back and gave me a small smile.

"No they don't," I turned the ball over in my hands a few times before dropping it and punting it towards Emily. It smacked her right in the face and she fell to her knees as she grabbed at her mouth.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry." I ran over to her and dropped down to the damp grass at her feet. Her head was bent, the lighter shade of brown strands of her hair catching the sunlight and making her look like the angel she was. "Are you all right?"

She didn't answer, so I slipped my hand underneath her chin and tipped her face up to meet my gaze. I surprised myself, I didn't usually touch people but it just seemed like the natural thing to do.

Emily turned away. She muttered something and looked at me then away. I couldn't help but smile, she was adorable. She had made me smile more times in my short time in her limbo than I had smiled the past few years of my life. There was just something about her that made me wish I was a better person.

"What was that?" I tried to bring my face closer too hers but she kept on moving back. "I need to see if you're all right."

"I'm fine," she started to move further away from me, her eyes warily watching to make sure I didn't follow.

"Why won't you show me?"

Her cheeks turned bright red. She mumbled something that I didn't quite catch, so I leaned in closer. "Because I'm gay," she kept her gaze focused over my shoulder.

"So?" I crinkled my eyes in confusion. The only problem I could think of was that she was homophobic which would have been ironic really.

"I like girls," she muttered. Well that's what gay meant unless they changed the meaning while I was in limbo.

"There's nothing wrong with liking girls Emily, you're still just the same gorgeous Emily." My hand flew up to cover my mouth; I hadn't meant to say that out loud. I had called Hanna attractive earlier, but there was something different about her and Emily. I hadn't felt anything towards Hanna, making it easy to state the facts regarding her appearance and personality. With Emily, I was attracted to her from the first second I laid eyes on her and it made my confession a little embarrassing. I didn't know what was happening to me.

I could see the battle taking place in Emily's brown eyes. She wanted to protest, to tell me I was wrong. I could see it written plain as day across her face. But doing that would contradict what she had been trying to tell me earlier about how beautiful and great I was.

"You don't have a problem with it?" she asked whipping her head up to look me in the eyes.

"Well if I did, I suppose I would be conflicted about liking girls myself." I laughed at Emily's expression, her eyes widening like I had just confessed my inner most darkest secret to her.

"Well, cool." She muttered looking down at the grass.

* * *

**Tell me what you thought of Emily. I know she's a tad OOC but I wanted to make her more easier for my Spencer to deal with. Plus I made her insecure about her sexuality just so Spencer could have something to work with. Don't hate me aight. Ok till next chapter. Again sorry for any errors.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys,**

**I'm in class again. I don't need no education. Kidding. This is un beta'd so sorry for any errors all of them are mine.**

* * *

Emily shoved her hands in her pockets, looking around the yard uncomfortably. The sun was beginning to brush the trees that lined the yard, "It's getting late, we should head in." I followed Emily back into the house. "What do you want for dinner?"

I had no idea why she asked me that. She knew I didn't eat. "I'm not hungry."

"Pasta is okay then?" Emily bustled around the large kitchen, pulling out pots and pans.

I just nodded, watching as she struggled to carry a large pot of water across the room. She put it on the stove, turning on the burner and dumping a load of salt into the water. "That way the pasta doesn't stick," she beamed at me. "Did you know that?"

I just laughed. I didn't want to ruin her childlike excitement by admitting I did know that fact. I perched myself on the edge of the counter, watching Emily as she leaned over the pot of water, waiting for it to boil.

"A watched pot never boils," I knocked my heels against the wooden cabinets, beating out a rhythm with my boots.

"You're right," Emily stepped back, cocking her head as she listened to the thump of my feet. "Keep doing that."

I nodded and continued to kick as she picked up a large wooden spoon and a pan. She ran over and handed them to me, then grabbed a jar filled half way with pasta. She shook the jar and start tapping the counter with a whisk. She nodded at me to bang the pan and I did, pounding out the beat. Once we got a good beat going Emily started to sing.

She made up the lyrics as she went along, singing about me coming to the limbo, about our tour of the house and about the pasta she was making. She could have been singing the phone book and I wouldn't have cared, her voice was absolutely flawless. She was so caught up in the made up song and I was so caught up in her that neither of us noticed the pasta water begin to boil over.

Emily put down her 'musical instruments' and gestured for me to do the same. Once I did she grabbed my hands and pulled me off the counter. She was humming now instead of singing but it was still a glorious sound. She began to spin me around the room, twisting and turning us across the kitchen floor.

As we moved past the stove I lost my footing on a puddle cause by the overflowing pot. I fell down, pulling Emily down with me. She put her arms out to brace her fall and prevent himself from collapsing right on top of me, but her hand slipped on the water. She tumbled onto me, our noses banging as she fell.

"Ouch," I muttered, pushing her off and struggling to my feet. I was having a hard time standing since the floor was slippery, so I grabbed the counter to pull myself up. I accidently touched the side of the metal pot and my hand began to flame with agony. "Ow!"

Emily jumped up and shut off the water before grabbing my hand and turning it over. The skin was bright red and looked like it was going to blister.

"Come on," she dragged me across the room and shoved it under the cold water faucet as I whimpered. It really hurt.

"Aria said there weren't injuries here," I wiped discretely at a few tears that had been shed due to the extreme pain. "So how can I get hurt?"

"You don't have any injuries that you came in with is what Aria meant. If you died by shooting yourself in the head we wouldn't want people walking around with half their skulls missing. You can get physically hurt here, as long as it's not self-harm. You can't cut or anything."

"Oh," I tried to pull my hand away but Emily wouldn't let me.

"Keep it there," she instructed before letting go and running out of the room. I did as she said, studying the red mark breaking my palm. Being burned was more painful than cutting, but it still felt good now that the initial shock was over.

"Back," Emily returned breathlessly, holding up a first aid kit. "I'm going to fix you now." She took hold of my wrist and pulled my hand out from under the faucet and placed it face up on the counter. I stood there awkwardly as she tenderly dried it with a dish towel before applying a huge dollop of some sort of cream to the wound. She rubbed it in gently then wrapped it up in a bandage. "All better."

"Thanks." I took my hand back and let it hang limply at my side. I wasn't sure what to say. No one had ever helped me clean up an injury before. They usually just turned a blind eye and pretended they didn't see anything.

"Not a problem," Emily grinned.

She had the most breathtaking smile I had ever seen. I knew I was bright red so I turned away and began to leave the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" she called after me.

I had no idea where I was going so I said the first thing that popped into my head, "To bed."

"Oh," I could hear an edge of sadness on her voice. "I thought we could do a movie night or something but I guess you're tired. You remember where your room is?"

"Yeah, good night."

"Night," she said sweetly.

I hurried out of the kitchen and ran up the stairs, skidding down the hallway and pushing into my bedroom. I locked the door behind me before stripping off my stained sweater and my shorts. I threw them on the floor and buried myself in the covers of the large queen sized bed.

It was the first time since I had been thrown into the limbo that I actually had time to think. That first night with Aria I had been too confused and angry to think. Now I had the opportunity to analyze my situation, yet I couldn't get Emily's warm brown eyes out of my mind.

I had no idea what the girl was doing to me, but I knew I never wanted it to end.

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**Again all errors are mine. Anyway, till next chapter.**

**To PailyD: Hey! Your review made me smile. Hah. I based Spencer and Emily off a girl that I met at a hospital (I won't say why I was there, but I will say she was cute). Spencer being her insecure side, Emily being her more bubbly one. So I guess I based it off a person who had those problems which made my portrayal of Spencer more realistic (You feel me?). I'm not leaving this earth anytime soon (I still have so many fics to read and write; Pretty Little Liars hasn't finished yet; so much left to do!). I'd like to think that the girl is having fun hangin' with God or whoever. I'm sure he enjoys her company (I'd like to think I enjoyed it a lot more but oh well). Thanks for your review x **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys,**

**This chapter is a tad longer than most because I couldn't find a way to end it. Sorry for that. Should I say sorry? Hahaha idk. Have fun. **

**A/N: Again this is un beta'd so sorry if there are any errors. Please R&R x**

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I rolled over sleepily the next morning, surprised when my tired body hit something solid. I slowly opened my eyes as I tried to remember where I was. My bed was so comfortable that for a second I thought I was back at home before the memories of the limbo came flooding back.

My eyes opened to two bright brown orbs staring back at me. I sat up, clutching the covers to my scantily clad body as I screamed. Emily laughed, sitting up and pushing a few messy strands of brown hair away from her face.

"Good morning Spence."

"How did you get in here?" I shrieked.

"Calm down," she giggled. "I picked the lock."

"Why the hell would you do that?" My voice came out angrier than I had planned.

Her happy expression slid off her face and she jumped up, muttering an apology as she stumbled backwards.

I sighed and patted the warm spot on the bed she had abandoned, "You don't have to leave."

"No I'm sorry," she blushed. "You want privacy, I get it. Sorry."

"Emily come back." She was halfway out the door by now, still stuttering apologetically. "Please."

"All right," she slipped back in and closed the door behind her. This time she stood by the side of the bed and watched me warily. "I didn't mean to make you mad."

"It's fine." I made sure the covers were up to my chin as she stared at me. I didn't need her seeing my fat, ugly body. "I just wasn't expecting to see you in here when I woke up."

"I missed you," she shrugged before gingerly taking a seat on the edge of the mattress. "I was getting lonely."

"You missed me?" I whispered in disbelief. Once again Emily had hit the nail on the head. I had never had anyone tell me this before.

"Yeah," she smiled slightly. "We barely got to hang out yesterday."

"Why do you care so much?" I was dying to know if she was just being nice because it was her job.

Emily shrugged and began playing with a string hanging off the edge of the duvet, "I don't know. There's something special about you."

"Are you dead?" I blurted out. This was too weird. The first person I had ever liked on my own terms and she wasn't even real. "Or are you old?"

It took her a few minutes to answer. Finally she mumbled, "Dead."

This was a question that had been bugging me since Hanna admitted her death, "How do you know?"

Emily pulled out her cell phone and scrolled through it for a few seconds, before handing it over to me. On the screen was a text message that read 'I regret to inform you that your earth self has passed on.'

"This text is from forty five years ago."

Emily grabbed the phone away and shoved it back in her pocket, "I died young."

"How did you die?" I leaned forward eagerly as I awaited her answer.

I saw her eyes flick down and I noticed that the blanket I had drawn so closely around me had slipped off my shoulders. Emily's eyes traced the bare skin that danced across my collarbones as she bit her lip hungrily. I had never had anyone look at me like that before and I was surprised to find I liked it. It made me feel wanted.

Emily cleared her throat and looked away, "Sorry."

"It's all right," I pulled the duvet back up to my throat as she blushed fiercely.

Emily stood up uncomfortably and tugged on the zipper of her maroon hoody, "I'll be downstairs making breakfast if you need me." With that she turned on her heel and ran out of the room.

After she left I took a quick shower and was happily surprised to find that the dressers in my room were stuffed full of clothes. I pulled on lace tights, a blue dress, and a cardigan before slipping back on the boots from the day before.

I tiptoed down the hallway and had one foot on the stairs when I remembered Emily's rule. She wasn't there to enforce it, but I felt like I had to obey it anyway. I slid down the banister and landed gracefully on my feet before slowly picking my way towards the kitchen.

Emily was sitting on the counter when I walked it, her thumbs flying over the keys of her phone and an empty plate at her side. She glanced over at my arrival and blushed slightly before climbing down and facing me.

"I like your dress," she cleared her throat. "It's pretty."

"Thanks," I lifted the skirt a little and watched as it fluttered to my knees when I dropped it. "Where did the clothes come from?"

Emily shrugged, "New clothes show up every time someone new comes. I don't really know why."

"What about the food?"

"The food?" Emily looked down at her dirty plate, then back into my eyes. "What about it?"

"How do you get more?"

"Oh, it just replenishes itself after a few days. It's weird but I don't care."

"Are you going to show me your memory yet?" I scuffed my boot along the tile floor of the kitchen. I needed out of Emily's world before I fell too hard.

"No, we're going to play football." Emily ran over and grabbed my hand, dragging me out the back door. "Your skills need some serious work."

While Emily ran about the yard collecting the ball, I stared at my hand as if I had never seen it before. The way her fingers had fit with mine had seemed so natural that it felt like I was missing a vital part of myself now that they were gone.

"Heads up Spence!" I looked up just in time to see the soccer ball flying at my face.

"Ahhh!" I ducked and the ball whizzed by just over my head.

Emily's laugh rang out through the backyard and I felt a smile spreading across my face. Her joy was contagious.

"You should have seen your face when you saw the ball coming," she giggled as she ran over to me. "You looked so scared."

I just shrugged. I wasn't going to pretend I was any good at soccer. Emily gathered up the ball and brought it over to me.

"Looks like we need to start with basics," she placed the ball at my feet. "That is a football."

I shook my head violently, my brown hair slapping my face. "Soccer ball." I used my hands to shape an oblong oval in the air. Emily cocked her head as she watched me. "A football looks like that."

She laughed, "No."

"Yes," I insisted. I am ashamed to say I stomped my foot like a petty child.

Emily balled her hands into fist and put them on her slim hips, making an angry pouty face and glaring at me. She stomped her feet a few times, mocking my mini-tantrum. "No a football is round."

I stuck my tongue out at her to keep from smiling. I knew it wasn't safe to let people think they had control of your emotions. Emily could never know that she made me happy.

She tapped the ball towards me, "Now kick it."

I meekly stabbed at it. It dribbled back to Emily, who was standing mere feet away. She sent it rolling back. "Kick it good."

I tried again but it didn't go much further. Emily gathered it and sent it flying back to me. Then she walked over and stood behind me, placing her delicate hands on my hips. Her head rested on my shoulder and my heart felt like it was about to take off on a joy ride. Her breath brushed seductively against my ear as she whispered tips to me.

"Draw your leg back like this," she twisted my hips to angle my foot towards the ball. "And tap it with the side of your foot. But give it a good stab."

"I'll kick you," I murmured. I was surprised my voice still worked. I was barely breathing.

Her hands removed themselves from my hips and she stepped back. "Better?"

No it was worse. Much worse. Her touch did things to me that I never thought possible. She made me feel like I wasn't worthless. No one had ever made me think that before.

I just nodded silently and looked down at the ball. Suddenly Emily's hands were back on me, this time on my shoulders as she leaned in to whisper one final piece of advice in my ear. "Pretend the ball is everyone who has ever hurt you, everyone who has ever made you believe you weren't good enough. Kick the shit out of them."

That I could do. Emily backed off and I let the faces of everyone who had ever made me feel worthless decorate the black and white checkered ball. My father, my older sister, the boy who raped me, random kids who jeered and laughed at me in the hallways, people on the streets who whispered, my so called best friend, everyone who had ever caused another slice on my arm.

I drew back my foot and connected squarely with my father's sneering mug. The kick made a satisfyingly loud pop as it shot across the yard and slammed into the fence.

"That's the ticket," Emily wrapped her arms around my waist and lifted me up, spinning me in a large circle. "You did it."

I laughed and smoothed my skirt when she set me down, "Yeah I did."

"Keep it up and soon you'll be better than me," she teased. "I'm going to have to watch out."

I giggled, "I don't think so. You're amazing."

Emily laughed and jogged to the edge of the yard to get the ball, "You haven't even seen me play. I could suck for all you know."

I blushed a light pink and debated telling her that I just thought she was amazing in general. Her soccer skills had nothing to do with my opinion. "Well you look like you'd be good."

"I don't mean to toot my own horn," she raised an eyebrow seductively, "but I'm incredible."

I laughed and sat myself down daintily on the lush grass of the backyard, tucking my skirt over my legs as I sat Indian style. "Show me."

"Show you what?" she asked as she juggled the ball from knee to knee. "My awesome football skills?"

"Yeah," I pulled at the grass, knotting a few pieces together as I watched Emily handle the ball like it was connected to her body by a string. Her control was amazing.

I had no idea what she was doing with the ball, but it was mesmerizing to watch. I was so caught up in her tricks that I almost didn't hear her when she spoke. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Huh?" I tore my eyes away from the ball and met her gaze. "Talk about what?"

"You know," she coughed awkwardly before sending the ball spiraling high into the air. "Why you killed yourself." The ball came down and she headed it gently, then caught it and joined me on the ground. "It's all right if you don't want to say, but I thought it might make you feel better."

I hadn't wanted to talk about it with Hanna, but there was something about Emily that just made me want to open up. I weighed my options, watching Emily spin the checkered ball in her soft palms. She didn't seem too concerned either way, unlike Hanna. That was what made me finally decide to open up. She wasn't prying, she was just worried about how I felt.

"Life sucked, that's why." I went back to pulling at the grass. "My parents were too busy to notice me. My older sister was the 'perfect daughter' and when my parents did talk to me they were always saying I needed to be more like her. School was hard and my 'best friend' got in with the popular clique. They convinced her to turn on me and she made fun of me every day. Her new friends liked to tell me how fat and ugly I was and the other kids in the school edged them on. My sister did nothing to stop them and sometimes I heard her making fun of me when she thought I wasn't around. I had no other friends." I took a deep breath, "And my father sexually abused me."

Emily held the soccer ball out to me, "If it makes you feel better you can pretend this is the jerks again and give it another kick."

I shook my head but smiled slightly at the offer.

"When you go back to being alive you should get a soccer ball and kick it whenever anyone makes you feel bad. It's better than cutting."

I noticed that she had made the effort to call it a soccer ball instead of a football and for some reason this made me smile. She actually listened to what I said. She had also said 'when' I go back to being alive, not if. I didn't understand her confidence, but it made me feel good that someone believed I would make it out of this. "Maybe."

She held out a pinky and locked her gorgeous eyes on mine. "Pinky promise you will kick instead of cut. Please."

That was an extremely hard promise to make. Cutting was an addicting habit, one I wasn't sure I would be able to kill. Emily must have seen this in my eyes, because she changed the wording of her request. "Pinky promise you will do your best to stop cutting and start kicking instead."

I nodded and hooked my pinky with her. We shook on it and Emily pulled me in for a hug when we let go. Her hands explored my back as she drew me close. "I'm so sorry about what they did to you, you don't deserve any of it," she whispered in my ears. "You are amazing and you deserve to know that."

"Thank you," I murmured quietly. I still didn't believe her, but it was nice that she cared.


	9. Chapter 9

"Want to feed the fish?" she asked suddenly as she pulled away. "I forgot to yesterday."

"Fish?" I took the hand that Emily offered me and let her tug me off the ground.

"Yeah," she hitched her thumb over her shoulder. "They live in the pond."

"Oh."

"Wait here," she ran off across the yard, going into the house before returning minutes later with a large container of fish food. She held it out to me and I accepted it. She took my other hand, tangling our fingers together before leading me across the yard towards the small pond.

We stood at the edge of the murky water, looking for the flash of scales underneath the lily pads and green gunk that decorated the surface of the pond. "Do you have to feed them?" I wondered out loud as Emily dropped my hand and kneeled next to the water. She grabbed a stick from the ground and began to prod at the plants covering the water.

"No. Nothing can die in the limbo, so it doesn't really matter. But I like to do it anyway." Emily tossed the stick aside and patted the ground next to her, indicating that I should join her.

"Are you sure there are fish in here?" I smoothed out my dress before getting down next to Emily. "I can't see anything."

"I'm positive," Emily squinted as she searched the murky water for any signs of life. Suddenly a flash of orange caught the sun. "Look there!" Emily leaned forward in her excitement to prove to me that she was right. She accidently leaned a bit too far and tumbled into the murky water.

I let out a cackle, covering my mouth in embarrassment as Emily surfaced. She sat in the middle of the pond, her pretty brown eyes blinking in confusion. A lily pad rested on the top of her dripping brown hair and there was a streak of green pond scum across her silky cheek.

"Are you all right Emily?" I tried to stifle my giggles but it was hard. She looked so cute and confused sitting up to her shoulders in the murky water.

She reached up and pulled the lily pad off her head. She looked at it for a few seconds before tossing it back in the water and shaking out the brown hair that was plastered to her forehead. "Yeah I'm fine."

I held out a hand cautiously. I wanted to help her out but I was afraid she might pull me into her murky prison as well. Emily grasped my hand and let me tug her to her feet. She didn't try to pull me into the water and for that I was extremely grateful. Once I got her out she reached back in and took up a handful of the green gunk.

Her eyes sparkled playfully as she ran at me with the disgusting pond life tucked tightly in her grasp. "I'm the pond monster and I am going to eat you!" she screamed like a five year old as her skinny legs quickly erased the distance I had put between us when I first saw her grab at the plants. I zigzagged across the yard, knowing that was my only hope of escape because she was a lot faster than me. "You can't outrun me Spence."

I laughed as the wind blew through my brown hair and raised the cornflower blue skirt of my dress. The irony of my situation was not lost on me. I was more alive than I had ever been, yet I was actually dead. Emily brought out something in me that I didn't even know existed. Before this, I had only ever run to escape humiliation. I had never run for fun and I had certainly never run because an extremely gorgeous girl was flirting with me. It felt oddly satisfying.

"Gotcha," Emily's voice was awfully close to my ear. The next thing I knew I was tumbling to the soft grass with her arms wrapped around me. She landed on top of me, bracing herself over my struggling frame with one hand as she held the pond gunk above me with her other. "Do you give up?"

I nodded.

"Say Emily is the most amazing, most gorgeous, most awesome person ever." She shook the dripping plant over my face in a threating manner. "Say it."

"Emily is the most amazing, most gorgeous, most awesome person ever," I blurted. Emily grinned and climbed off me, tossing the disgusting green blob to the side. I struggled to my feet and smoothed out my skirt. I had water marks were Emily had touched me and where her soaked clothes had dripped on me. "You got me wet," I accused.

"Oh did I?" she raised her eyebrow and let a smirk settle over her features.

"Shut up," I looked for something to throw at her but couldn't find anything so I decided to glare at her instead. She laughed and gave me a bright smile, her brown eyes shining happily. I tried not to be too distracted by her adorable face but it didn't work. I forgot why I was mad at her.

"Now let's go feed those fish," she took my hand again and led me back towards the pond. Her hand was wet and clammy, yet I was surprised to find that didn't bother me one bit. She must have realized how cold it was halfway across the yard because she suddenly pulled away and shoved her hands in her pockets instead. "Sorry."

"About what?" I knew it was bad to appear needy, or to show people that they meant something to you, but I reached for Emily's wrist anyway. I tugged her hand out of her pocket and let our fingers tangle together once again. I blushed deeply when she looked at me in surprise. "No one's ever held my hand before, I kind of like it."

Her brown eyes sparked to life and she smiled sweetly, an adorably tiny dimple making a home in her left cheek. "I like holding your hand too."


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys, **

**God Australia is so goddamn hot I was not meant for this weather. Anyway it's like 1 in the morning so have fun x**

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"And everyone owns a jet pack. We use them to get around instead of cars. It's so much easier and they are a lot more fuel efficient." After a week in Emily's limbo, I felt comfortable enough to tease her a bit.

"No way!" Emily's clear brown eyes were wide with excitement. "That's awesome."

I laughed and threw a pretzel at her cute face. "I'm just joking. We still use cars. They are all electric now though."

"Not nice," Emily's dancing eyes contradicted the pout settling on her features. "You got me all excited for nothing."

I smiled at her across the table as she dug his hand into the bowl of snacks. She had asked me to tell her all about life on earth and I had done so, throwing in a few fibs to make things seem more interesting.

"Sorry Em," I grabbed a pretzel and broke it into three pieces. I laid it out in front of me and studied the salty snack, wondering if it would be worth putting in my mouth.

"Any weight you gain here will just be lost when you wake up alive," Emily blurted as she shoved another handful of useless calories into her mouth. "If that's what you're worried about."

"How do you know I'm going to wake up alive?" I cautiously placed a tiny piece of pretzel on my tongue and chewed it thoughtfully. "What makes you so sure?"

Emily shrugged, "I just know you will. I can just feel it. You have so much more to offer the world."

"No I don't," I pushed the rest of the pretzel pieces away. One was more than enough.

"Sure you do. Starting with that jet pack idea," Emily teased, a playful smile dancing across her face. "I think it's a good one."

I giggled, stopping when I met Emily's brown eyes from underneath my thick lashes. My cheeks flamed up as we held eye contact and I felt the urge to lean in a drop a quick peck on her perfect mouth. I wonder what it would feel like to kiss her.

Emily broke the spell by coughing awkwardly. "Want to watch a movie?"

"Sure," I pushed back my chair and followed her into the living room. I got settled on the couch as she shifted through the pile of DVDs. She spent five minutes weighing her options, before finally deciding and shoving one into the DVD player. After returning to the dining room to retrieve her snacks she joined me on the couch.

"What are we watching?" I tucked my feet up under my body and wrapped myself up in the blanket that had been adorning the back of the couch.

"Taken," Emily shoved a handful of pretzels into her mouth. "My favourite movie."

"Isn't this movie kind of scary?" I hated scary movies.

"I dunno," she shrugged. "Maybe a little bit if you've never seen it before."

I didn't feel like spending the night awake, shaking in my bed with the covers drawn up to my chin and the lights on. "I think I'm just gonna go upstairs and not watch if that's all right with you."

"Why not?" Emily grabbed my hand as I tried to leave and pulled me back down. "What's wrong?"

"I don't like scary things," I admitted. "I'm way too easily freaked out."

"I'll keep you safe," she grinned and draped a protective arm around my shoulder. "I promise."

I really didn't want to watch, but I also didn't want to give up the opportunity to snuggle with Emily. I knew I had only been here for a week, but I had fallen for her quickly. I had a major crush and I was afraid it was starting to show. "Fine."

"Yay," Emily reached over me and grabbed the blanket that I had abandoned seconds ago. She rested it across our laps before pulling me closer to her side. I dropped my head to the sweet smelling crock of her neck and wrapped my arms around her waist. She gave me a slight squeeze as she focused her attention on the movie. I spent the next few hours studying her, watching her reactions to everything that went on in the movie. Judging by her facial expressions, I was able to determine the right times to hide my face in her chest without ever having to watch. Each time I did that she hugged me closer and by the time the movie was nearing its end I was curled up in her lap, both her arms tight around me with my head tucked into the space on her shoulder where it seemed to fit so well. I could hear the slow thump of her heartbeat through her shirt and I felt it take off as I shifted in her arms. The closer I snuggled to the heat emitting off her body, the faster her heart began to race. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought my touch actually did something to her. But I knew nothing was ever that simple, so I ignored the sharp intake of her breath when I accidently nuzzled her neck. The shiver of delight that racked her whole body when I did it again was also not to be taken too seriously.

Emily pushed me off her lap abruptly and jumped up, her eyes wild as she backed quickly out of the room.

"Emily are you okay?" I sat up as I rubbed my sleepy eyes, trying to make out her shape in the dark living room.

"Yeah I'm fine," her voice came out breathless and uneven. I could practically see the flaming red of her cheeks in the dimly lit room. "Just thirsty."

I heard her fumbling around in the kitchen and eventually the connecting room flooded with light. I watched for the sofa as Emily grabbed a cup from the cabinet and filled it with water. I noticed her hand was shaking as she held the glass under the faucet. A few drops of water sloshed over the edge and I saw the tips of her ears turn pink with embarrassment. Still facing away from me, she lifted the cup to her lips and took a sip of water. After drowning the whole glass in a few gulps she seemed relatively calm. She shut off the light and rejoined me for the final few minutes of the movie. Except this time she didn't put an arm around me. In fact she sat as far away from me as she could, curled into herself as the credits rolled across the screen.

I didn't know what I had done, but I hoped it wouldn't ruin the friendship we had been building. Emily was the only person who I had ever felt truly cared for me and I didn't want to lose that any time soon.

We had only known each other for a week and no, she wasn't real, but she still meant the world to me.

It would kill me all over again if I lost her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys,**

**Just wanted to tell you if you were wondering why I update so often. It's because I have the story finished already so really I could just publish it all now. But I'm feeling a bit mean so you guys will have to wait. Just a matter of hours really not a whole year. I think it's nice when you kind of 'grow up' with the fic, like something nice to look forward to when you come home for school or something. So it's not like I'm magic and the story appears in 5 minutes I already have finished it :L**

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I closed the door quietly behind me. For some reason Emily wasn't in her bedroom. I wanted to apologize for whatever I had done last night and make sure we were still okay. I had searched most of the house but I couldn't find her. Where was she?

I noticed that the last door in the hallway was cracked slightly, so I pushed it open and slipped inside. The lights were off, but the curtains were parted, letting in the dim early morning light. Emily was sprawled completely naked across the king sized bed in the middle of the room. The deep rise and fall of her thin stomach told me she was asleep. I knew I shouldn't be there, but I couldn't bring myself to leave. She was perfect.

I hung back, standing against the wall as I studied her. Her brown hair was spread across the pillow, her dark roots hinted at in the morning light. Her lashes cast a shadow on her rosy cheeks and the beauty marks I found so captivating danced up her neck and onto her face. The curve of her neck was sweet against the bump of her pillow. Her chest rose and fell with every breath and I found myself staring at the simple movement. She made even breathing look beautiful.

My eyes went back up, tracing the sharp outline of her collarbones under the sweep of her silky skin. I marveled at the length and curve of the arm thrown out across the bed. Her fingers were curled loosely towards her palm, resembling a blossoming flower. I bit my lip as her hand twitched, causing the vein in her wrist to stand out in relief. I followed the line of the vein back up to her shoulder, awed by the slight definition in her gorgeous arms.

I had always thought of the body as something to hide, something that needed to be covered up because, no matter what, it was just never good enough. But looking at Emily's naked form I suddenly understood true beauty. Everything about the girl was flawless.

My eyes were traveling across her stomach and down towards her hips when I suddenly noticed her stir. I knew I should get out of the room, but I couldn't bring myself to move. I was frozen in place as she began to slowly wake.

She rolled over and stretched as I continued to stare. I loved the way the muscles in her arms and stomach flexed and danced underneath the precious covering of her dewy skin. It was absolutely mesmerizing.

She brought one hand up to rub at her tired brown eyes. Her fingers danced lazily across her face and I found that simple movement to be one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. My whole perspective had changed now that I had seen her in such a vulnerable and natural state. I had a much bigger appreciation of the simple things.

Emily's intoxicating brown eyes blinked open sleepily and I watched as the recognition of a new day blossomed in her chocolate orbs. All the sudden the windows to her soul flooded with horror when they locked on mine.

Shit.

She reacted quickly, bringing her hands down to cover herself as she sat up and pulled her knees to her chest. Her eyes searched desperately for the blankets as she cowered behind her drawn up legs. She looked scared, horrified, and extremely embarrassed.

I knew I should leave now, but I was still frozen in place. Emily's eyes met mine and I could see how hard it was for her to actually look at me. "Get out," she murmured desperately. "Please."

Her face broke my heart. Her emotions were so easy to read. I could tell that she believed I thought she was ugly. Her insecurities were obvious by the fact that she had attempted to hide her whole body, not just her lower half. She thought she wasn't good enough.

"Stop looking at me," she whispered, trying to contort her body in a way that hid everything from my eyes.

I dropped my gaze, focusing on my feet instead. I heard Emily fumbling around and when I snuck a peek through my eyelashes I saw that she had tangled herself up in the sheet as she attempted to cover every single inch of her skin.

I couldn't take it anymore, how could she not see how breathtakingly beautiful she was?

I crossed the room in a few steps and crawled onto the bed with her. She looked up at me in horror again, trying desperately to untangle the sheet from her legs and get it to cover the rest of her. Her hands shook and her eyes filled with shame as she struggled to hide herself from me.

"Emily," I reached out and gently touched her shaking hand. She relaxed slightly but still tried to turn away.

I took hold of the sheet that had managed to wind its way around her knees and gently tugged it off her trembling body. I straightened it out and laid it over her, covering her from the chin down. She looked extremely relived now that everything was hidden.

I leaned in towards her, no longer in control of my body. I felt like I was watching from above as my lips gently pressed themselves against Emily's. I wasn't sure what to expect, as I had never been kissed before, nor had Emily shown any signs of wanting to kiss me, so I braced myself for immediate rejection. I was surprised when one of Emily's trembling hands went up to cup my cheek. She kissed me back sweetly, relaxing into me the longer our lips remained connected.

Emily was the one who eventually broke off the kiss, sinking back down onto the bed as she covered her eyes with her hands. I took this to mean she was ashamed of kissing me, so I jumped off the bed and tore out of the room. I tried to stop my tears as I sunk down on the stairs where I had woken up on my first morning in Emily's world.

I couldn't believe I had actually trusted her enough to kiss her. I never got close to people because I knew all they do is hurt you. Everyone hurts you. But there was something about Emily that just drew me in, making me believe that maybe she wouldn't. Who was I kidding? No one cared.

This wasn't much better than living; I needed a way to end my death.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys,**

**Sorry this is un beta'd. I've been at tutor all day so sorry for not updating more hahah. **

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I must have drifted off, because the next thing I knew I opened my eyes to see Emily's pretty brown ones staring back at me.

She was sitting on the steps dressed in boyfriend jeans and a blue jumper, hugging her knees to her chest as she watched me. She blushed when she noticed that I was awake and ducked her head bashfully. I sat up, stretching carefully so I made sure not to hit her.

She stood up abruptly and held out a hand to me, which I took after a moment's hesitation. Still not looking at me, Emily tugged me up and led me up the stairs. When we hit the landing she finally acted, pushing me up against the wall as her lips desperately searched for mine. I was stiff with surprise at first, shocked by her actions. Her hand went to my neck and drew me closer to her. At our sides, our fingers tangled together loosely. I wrapped my other hand through the belt loop of her jeans, enjoying the way her hips jerked forward at the simple touch.

I rejoiced in the gentle pressure of her lips on mine. Her kiss was perfect. There was no sharp sting of lust on her lips, only the sweet taste of tenderness and a minty hint of curiosity. Though she had been forceful in backing me into the wall, she was nothing but gentle now. Even though I was dead, her kiss made me feel more alive than I had ever been before.

Making sure our hands and lips stayed connected, Emily began to back me down the hallway. We stumbled into the bedroom she had been sleeping in this morning, still kissing as we stood next to the large bed.

Once again Emily was the one to end our kiss. This time she kept eye contact with me as she slowly pulled her jumper over her head. She let it drop at her feet, biting her bottom lip whilst doing so. I felt my heart skip a beat as my eyes roamed her perfect torso. Then, knowing what she wanted, I slipped out of my shirt and tossed it aside. Emily quickly stepped out of her jeans and kicked them away as I did the same.

I had never shown this much skin willingly before and I was surprised to find that I actually felt beautiful. It had everything to do with the misty look on Emily's face and the way her eyes explored my body as if it was a treasure, not a burden.

Once we had shed the last of our clothes Emily took my hand and led me over to the bed. She laid me down on the white sheet, kneeling next to me as her eyes traced every curve and contour of my body.

Without speaking she took my hand, pressing her palm flush against mine, and held our joint hands up in the space between our bodies. Suspended in the air, her larger hand dwarfed mine, the tips of her fingers folding down to protect mine. She just held our hands there, staring at them, not saying a word. She hadn't spoken once yet.

"Emily?" I murmured, attempting to sit up.

Emily silenced me with a kiss, gently pushing me back down on the bed. She snuggled up next to me, wrapping an arm around my waist and burying her face in the arc of my neck. "Don't talk," she whispered.

I obeyed her wishes, not speaking as I traced the curve of her hip with my fingers. She moaned throatily into my neck as my hand made its way down to her thigh, rubbing gently. I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea how to satisfy the ache inside me. I didn't know why Emily had made me get into bed naked with her if she didn't want to sleep with me. I didn't understand how she could be so beautiful.

My hand dragged up the outside of her thigh, running over her hip again. I traced the curve of her torso, letting my fingers roam over the slight ridges of her rib cage. I pushed her away from my body, laying her out on the bed the way she had been when I first saw her that morning.

Her brown eyes filled with confusion as I placed my hand on her chest, feeling the rapid beating of her heart. I kept it there for ages, enjoying the way it skipped a beat when I leaned in to kiss her again. She wrapped her arms around my bare waist and pulled me down to her, keeping the pressure on my mouth steady. Our legs tangled as she ran her tongue over my lower lip, sending tingles down my spine. One of her tender hands reached up and traced the bumps of my backbone. I wrapped her name into the small moan that escaped my lips as I melted into her body. She rolled us over so we were lying side to side and brought her hand to my face. She brushed away a strand of stray hair and kissed my forehead gently. Her arm snaked its way around my waist and she hugged me to her trembling frame. I rested my head on her chest and let the steady rhythm of her heartbeat lull me into a stupor.

"Please don't let anyone convince you that you aren't perfect," she whispered into my hair. "Because you deserve to know the truth."

With one last kiss on the top of my head we both drifted off to sleep, exposed and vulnerable in each other's arms.


	13. Chapter 13

I woke up alone and naked the next morning. And extremely embarrassed. I had no idea what had come over me last night. I barely even knew Emily, yet I had willingly taken off all my clothes and climbed into bed with her. Sure we hadn't done anything, but there was something about just lying there and staring at each other that was even more intimate than anything we could have done.

I gathered my clothes and quickly dressed before sneaking out of the room and down to my bedroom. I locked the door behind me and ran into my bathroom, shedding the clothes I had just put on. Once in the shower I scrubbed my body until my skin was raw and sensitive, punishing myself for my stupidity. Emily didn't like me. She hadn't even bothered to be there when I woke up.

I sat down, letting the hot water run over my skin and mix with my tears. I always did this to myself. I couldn't let something just happen; I always had to overthink it. My mind tripped through everything that had happened since I'd begun my journey in Emily's limbo. Every look, every word, every smile. I went through it all. What did it mean? Did she like me? Was she using me? Was this part of her job? Did she care? Why did she have to be so pretty?

"Spence?" I heard a knock at the door as I pulled my knees to my chest. "I made breakfast if you're hungry."

She knew very well that I didn't eat. "Did you pick the lock again?"

"Yeah, why did you lock the door?" Her voice flooded with hurt, "Are you hiding from me?"

"Why does it matter?" I rested my chin on my knees and hoped my voice wasn't as thick with tears as it seemed to me.

I heard Emily slide down and put her back against the bathroom door. Her voice was laced with sadness when she spoke. "I thought you liked me. Were you just pretending?"

"I thought you were pretending," I sniffled a little, my hand reaching up to catch the hot drops of water that rained down on me. "No one really likes me."

"I really like you," she whispered.

I stood up and shut off the water, stepping out into the steam filled bathroom. I wrapped a towel around my body and cautiously opened the door. Emily moved out of the way and looked up at me as I sank down to sit next to her, my wet hair spreading out over my shoulders. She picked up a strand and twirled it around her finger, smiling slightly with a faraway look in her eyes. After a few seconds she leaned over and planted a sweet and lingering kiss on my cheek. I blushed and tried to hide my happy smile.

Emily stood up and held out a hand to help me. She pulled be straight into her arms, hugging me tightly as I slipped my arms around her tiny waist. "I'll let you get dressed. See you downstairs in a few," she whispered into my ear. With one last squeeze she was gone.

I pulled on a pair of jeans and a plain with tee shirt, noticing one of Emily's hoodies at the foot of my bed. I slipped it on and zipped it part way before scraping my hair into a bun and heading down the hallway. I slid down the banister without thinking. Only a week and it had already become second nature to me.

I could hear Emily singing in the kitchen and when I walked in she grinned and waved a wooden spoon at me. "What are you doing?" I wandered over to her side and looked down into the pan that was set on the stove. A few eggs were cooking in it.

She blushed a little, "I ate before I went to get you. But I'm still hungry."

I laughed and stood on my tiptoes so I could give her a peck on the nose. She scrunched up her face adorably before rubbing her nose against mine. "Eskimo kisses."

I sat down on the counter as I waited for her to finish scrambling her second breakfast. She fed me a spoonful of the rich yellow egg and I ate it reluctantly, my stomach churning when I swallowed. It felt weird.

"I want to show you something," Emily dumped the eggs onto a plate and nodded her head towards the back door. "Come on."

I followed her outside, wondering what was going on. In the middle of the yard was a red and white patterned blanket. Emily sat down on it, putting her eggs in her lap as she patted the spot next to her. I joined him, folding my legs under myself as I sat. "What is this?"

"Well," she mumbled over the mouthful of eggs she had just consumed. "It was supposed to be a picnic, but you don't like food. So it's just a blanket."

I found myself laughing and was surprised by the pure joy I felt. Everything she did was just so cute. I wanted to stay here with her forever.

"The leaves look pretty," she pointed to one of the few trees in the yard. "I like autumn."

"Me too," I snuggled up to her side as the crisp fall air bit at the skin exposed underneath my sweatshirt. Emily's arm easily slipped around me as she finished up her breakfast.

"I want to know everything about you," she tossed aside her empty plate and laid us down, my head resting on her chest as we looked up at the endless blue sky. A few clouds drifted about lazily in the expanse above our heads. "Tell me it all."

I didn't know what to say. I wasn't a very big fan of life or myself. I started simple. "My name is Spencer Hastings and when I was eighteen I killed myself."

"Attempted," Emily corrected me.

"When I was eighteen I attempted to kill myself," I modified my story. "And I met you. The end."

"That is not everything," Emily's laugh vibrated through her body and made me smile. "I want to know about you as a kid. What did you do? Where did you live? What are your parents like?"

"I told you all the happy parts," my eyes followed a particularly fluffy cloud as it journey above us. "Everything else sucked."

"Killing yourself was a happy part?"

I nodded against the constant beat of her heart, "Best thing I ever did."

"Why?" her voice was sad.

"Because I got to meet you."

Her hand reached up to brush an escaped strand of hair away from my face. "If you didn't die you wouldn't have known what you were missing. So it wouldn't have mattered. What else made you happy in life?"

"Nothing," I tried to blink back my tears. "Everything sucked."

"When did it start sucking?" she asked gently. "It couldn't have always been bad."

"My father started abusing me when I was seven," I murmured. "I didn't know it was wrong. I thought it was normal. It wasn't until I was thirteen that I realized not everyone's dad's touched them like that. That was also the year I started to hate myself."

I closed my eyes and felt everything rushing back. It was eighth grade, the year everyone fell into cliques. Girls and boys began hooking up and new friendships were formed between the students in my school. It was also the year girls got mean and petty.

It had gotten out that my father abused me and I could hear their whispers and feel their stares as I wandered the halls. No one wanted to be my friend. They thought whatever disease I had that made me a subject of disgusting abuse would rub off on them. They turned away from my eyes and spoke of me when they thought I couldn't hear. I had no one, so I turned to food.

When I was fifteen the doctor told my parents that I was on the path to obesity. A diet was recommended. As time went on, I just stopped eating at all. I went from being called a fatty to a freak. Still friendless, I spent my time zoning out in class and wishing I was anywhere but there.

Finally a new girl moved to town and she was sat next to me in her first class. Not knowing my story, she decided to talk to me and we hit it off. I liked her a lot. I finally thought my life would be okay, until she went to a party one night and came out of it with a new group of friends. Soon enough she was all Dolce and Gabbana and meaner to me than anyone else had been, though her and her cruel clique claimed to be my 'friends'. She knew all my secrets, the details the rest of the school didn't. She was able to hurt me the most.

A senior boy decided that because my father abused me, I was an easy target. He raped me in the school parking lot one night after I had gotten a detention for falling asleep in class. That was my lowest point.

Everything about my life was shit and I didn't want to be there anymore. I was alone, confused, hurt, and tired of living. The night I decided to end it for good was the two year anniversary of the day I had to abort the baby the rape had left me with.

I was sobbing, every dark and terrible feeling coming back to me in waves. I reached for something, anything, to cut open my wrist and release the pain in the rush of my ruby blood. But there was nothing there.

Suddenly I felt myself being pulled up into a sitting position and wrapped in a pair of strong arms. Emily held me close to her, letting my tears stain her light blue sweater. She made soothing noises as I cried my eyes out, hating myself for everything I had once been.

The gentle touch of her soft hair on my cheek made me want to be someone better. Someone worthy of her love. Someone I would never be.


	14. Chapter 14

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" I crawled into the tent Emily had just finished putting up in the backyard.

"It's a wonderful idea," Emily followed behind me on hands and knees. "It'll be fun."

"I've never slept outside before," I looked around the inside of the canvas tent. There were two sleeping bags, a flashlight, Emily's iPod, some chocolate, a bag of marshmallows, and a box of graham crackers. The quality of light shining through the red tent was slowly deteriorating as the sun faded and darkness fell.

"You aren't outside," Emily climbed over me and planted herself in the corner. "You're in a tent."

"Well it's not a house," I pulled my flannel covered knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.

"But it has a roof," Emily pointed about her head as the last few rays of sun glinted in her pretty brown eyes. "So it basically is."

"It basically is not," I glared at her playfully. My butt was already beginning to grow cold and stiff due to the hard ground. I didn't think I would last a whole night out here.

"Basically is," she shot back as she tore into the marshmallows. "No more arguing."

"You started it," I laughed as Emily hit me in the face with a large puffy white sweet. I picked it up and threw it back at her. She caught it in her mouth and we spend the next twenty minutes throwing marshmallows across the small tent.

"Open up," Emily wiggled a marshmallow in front of my eyes. I did so reluctantly and let her place the gooey snack in my mouth. I swallowed and made a face as it settled in my empty stomach. Emily polished off the rest of the bag as I tried to get the sweet taste out of my mouth.

"Why did you bring s'more making supplies if we weren't going to make s'mores?" I watched as Emily began eating chocolate like there was no tomorrow.

"We don't have a fire," a streak of chocolate rested on Emily's bottom lip. I leaned over and wiped it away with my pointer finger. Emily grabbed my hand and licked the chocolate off it as I giggled. Then she wrapped her fingers through mine and let our hands fall to her lap. Her thumb ran gently over the top of my hand as I scooted closer to her. "Your hand is cold."

"That's cause we're in a tent, no heat."

Emily kicked one of the puffy sleeping bags over to me, "There ya go."

I rolled me eyes but slid into the bag anyway, pulling it up to my chin. Emily climbed into her own and we lay down side by side in the dark tent. She slipped one of the headphones from her iPod into my ear and put the other in her own.

"Ever hear of Two Door Cinema Club?" she scrolled through the device.

"Nope."

"The xx?"

"No."

"Pierce the Veil?"

"Yeah they were a legend."

Emily picked a song and I heard a chorus of 'Darling, you'll be okay' began to fill my ears.

"Hold On Till May," I closed my eyes as Vic's voice washed over me. "This is my favorite one." I snuggled up in the sleeping bag, sleepiness beginning to wash over me. Suddenly my eyes were blinded by a bright light and Vic's voice disappeared from my ear.

"Hey," I held up my hand to shade my eyes. Emily swung the flashlight away from my direct line of vision and I blinked until the spots of light dancing across my eyes disappeared. "What was that for?"

"I don't want you to go to bed yet," Emily held the flashlight under her chin in an attempt to look scary. All she ended up doing was looking cute. "Wanna tell ghost stories?"

"I don't know any ghost stories," I went to work straightening the strings on my sweatshirt as I yawned.

"Fine be boring," Emily switched off the flashlight. "You're no fun."

"Tell me a story then," I rolled over and curled my body into a tight ball, trying to ward off the cold of the October night. "But not a ghost one."

"Once upon a time," Emily's arm snaked around my waist as she joined me on my side of the tent. I relaxed at her touch, liking the way she pressed the front of her body to the back of mine and mumbled in my ear. "In a land far away, lived a beautiful girl. Her father was a painter and he enjoyed using her as the subject of his creations. He was a very popular artist and people from all over the land flocked to see his work. Many gorgeous women asked to be the model for his next masterpiece, but the painter always turned them down. He said he would only use the most beautiful girl to create his art, and that girl was hos pretty daughter. The other girls in the land began to get jealous; they wanted everyone to admire their beauty as well. Because of this, they were very mean towards the painter's daughter. They called her names and insulted her whenever they could. The daughter was afraid to tell her father because she feared he would stop making art. So she dealt with it every day, letting the mean words pile up until she began to believe them. One day the daughter was sitting by the river, crying because no one understood just how much she hurt. That was when she met a beautiful girl, with chestnut hair and sparkling brown eyes. The girl listened to her and told her that everything would be all right. She became her friend and told her how beautiful she was. With the girl on her side, the daughter was suddenly happy. Then one day she went to the river and her girl wasn't there. For weeks she was gone, but the daughter didn't fret. She knew she was out there somewhere and she knew she had to be strong for her. She knew she believed in her and deemed her worthy. She knew she only wanted her to be happy. The daughter never saw the chestnut haired girl again but she always felt her presence. She knew she was watching over her and making her feel important. When the daughter finally died, old and happy with dozens of grandchildren to succeed her, she was greeted in heaven by the chestnut haired girl's open arms. She had never been real. She was her guardian angel, always in the back of her mind, looking over her when she needed it most. Because of her, she had found the true value in herself."

Emily nuzzled my neck, "I'm your guardian angel Spence. You won't remember me when you return to the real world, but I'll be here looking over you. I'll be at the back of your mind, a shadowy memory that you can't grasp completely, but whenever you need me most I'll be there. At your deepest and darkest points you'll hear me telling you just how perfect you are. You won't know me, but it should be enough to knock the evil voice away and help you get better. I will always be a part of you."

That was a nice thought, always having Emily as a part of me. "I don't want to leave," I rolled over, my nose rubbing her in the darkness. "I want to stay here with you forever."

"I wish you could," she smiled sadly. "But I don't know if that's allowed."

"When I asked Hanna if I was allowed to stay with her, she pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket." The memory came flooding back, "But I fell in the pool and I don't know what it said. I think it had to do with me staying."

"Let's call her," Emily's hand escaped from her sleeping back and felt around the dark tent until it closed over her phone. The dim blue light of the screen was reflected in Emily's eyes as she called her friend.

"Hello?" Hanna's voice crackled through the static. Terrible reception here in the limbo. "What's up Emily?"

"Can Spencer stay here with me forever?" Emily got to the point quickly. "She said she asked you the same question and you pulled out a piece of paper. Is that like a list of rules that I never got?"

"It's not a list of rules, it's a condition." I heard the crinkling of paper and knew Hanna had pulled it out. "It says that wayfaring souls may not remain in the limbo. They must complete their required life lessons and seal their fate." I felt my heart drop. I didn't want to leave Emily. "But in the case of true love, the person may return once their life self passes on. That is extremely rare though and I don't know if it's ever happened."

"Thanks Hanna," Emily hung up the phone and tossed it across the tent. I tried to untangle the jumble of thoughts in my head. I couldn't stay here with Emily, that much was certain, but I wondered how long I had until I would be forced out. As far as the true love went, I didn't think that was even a remote possibility. Sure I had strong feelings for the adorable brunette, but I didn't think they would ever hit that level. I didn't find myself capable of love at all.

"I'll keep you here as long as I can," I heard the sound of Emily's sleeping bag unzipping and I wondered why she was getting out. "I'm just not sure how long that will actually be."

A tug came at the zipper of my bag and I saw Emily's flawless face inches from my own. "What are you doing?"

"It's too cold," she joined me in my sleeping bag, wrapping me tightly in her arms. "I need you to warm me up."

"Told you this was a bad idea," I teased, pressing my face to her frozen cheek. "Your feet are like ice." I shrieked as she wiggled her bare toes against my leg.

"I think it was a good idea," she pressed her sweet lips to mine softly. "Cause I get to spend the night with you in my arms."

I smiled into the sensitive skin of Emily's neck and drifted off to sleep, her even breathing and gentle touch making me feel the safest I ever had.

When I was in her arms the words of the rest of the world couldn't harm me.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey guys,**

**I'm being a bit slack with my other story, so I'll be there for a bit. I fell asleep at the keyboard omg. Turns out sleeping at 3 in the morning isn't quite healthy. Happy National Coming Out Day btw for yesterday or the day before depending where you are. x**

**P.S. Please R&R so I don't have to go back to reality as soon as I do.**

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Emily was still fast asleep when I woke up the next morning, her arm draped over me and her face pressed into my neck. She was mumbling softly under her breath and I did my best not to wake her as I untangled my legs from her. She rolled over as I crawled out of the warm sleeping bag, her hand finding mine in her unconscious state.

"Don't go," she murmured before flipping over and curling into herself, her breathing evening out as her slumber deepened. I climbed out of the tent, letting my bare feet sink into the dewy grass as the sun feebly attempted to peek out from behind the early morning clouds.

I walked over to the pond, my feet leaving marks on the otherwise flawless grass, carving a path to the place where I now rested. I pulled my knees to my chest, letting my chin rest on the red and black flannel of my pajama bottoms as I trailed a stick lazily through the still water of the pond.

As I sat there I began to think about everything. This past week and half with Emily had been the best time of my life. Or non-life. I wasn't really sure how to classify it, but it had most definitely been the happiest I had ever felt. I didn't know how long I had left to spend with the brown haired cutie and, in all honesty, I wasn't sure if I wanted to spend another day with her. The longer I looked into those gorgeous eyes and saw her breathtaking smile the harder I would fall. It would just hurt more when I was forced out.

She was the only person who had ever made me feel like I wasn't worthless and that meant everything to me. I remembered her words from last night, how she said that she would look over me when I was gone. It was a comforting thought. Even when I was a mere memory she would still be a part of me, whether I realized it or not.

The sooner I got out of here and moved on to whatever awaited me next, the better. Losing her was going to kill me, and I preferred to do it on my own terms instead of waiting for whoever was in charge of this limbo world to kick me out.

I stood back up, tossing my stick into the pond and taking in my surroundings one last time. I would miss this place.

"Emily?" I ducked back into the tent and shook awake the sleeping angel. "Wake up."

"Hmmm?" Emily rolled over, her brown eyes parting slightly. They opened wider when they locked on mine and I saw the pure happiness spread over her face when she saw me kneeling by her side. "Good morning beautiful." She sat up, her hands supporting her body from behind as she leaned in to kiss me gently.

It took everything I had to turn my head and let her lips brush my cheek instead of my mouth. I saw a glimpse of hurt dance over her features and the wispy shadow of a question settle in the back of her stunning eyes. Watching me warily, she leaned in and tried again. I blinked back my tears as I turned away again.

"What are you doing?" Emily's voice was raw with hurt and confusion. She twisted the edge of the sleeping bag in her hands as her eyes ducked down. "Why are you being like this?"

"I can't stay here anymore," I couldn't meet her gaze. "Please show me your memories so I can go."

"What the hell Spence?" I could hear the tears in her words. "I thought for once someone actually liked me. I thought of all people, you wouldn't be the one to hurt me."

Then she pushed past me to get out of the tent, the sharp angle of her elbow accidently planting itself in my gut as she tried to get away as quickly as possible. I doubled over, clutching my arms to my stomach as I let out a small noise of pain.

Emily stopped in her tracks, turning to make sure I was all right. Her eyes flooded with regret and she grabbed my hand to pull me out of the tent. Once we were standing outside, the early morning breeze lifting our hair, Emily pushed my arms away from my stomach.

"Are you okay?" she still looked upset, but I could see that her desire to make sure I was all right outweighed the knife she thought I had just stabbed in her back. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I'm fine," I lied. Physically I was, but emotionally I was a wreck. I didn't want to leave her, but I couldn't stay and have her wrenched out of my grasp. I wanted to leave before she made too permanent a mark on my heart.

"I'm sorry," she lifted the edge of my gray tee-shirt and brought her lips down to my stomach. She gave it a gentle kiss before dropping my shirt and standing up to her full height, which was a few inches taller than me. "I didn't hurt you did I?"

I shook my head, keeping my gaze on my feet.

"So why did you decide to hurt me?" her voice cracked as she whispered her question. "I know we haven't known each other very long but I thought you liked me. I mean," she shoved her hands into the pockets of her shorts and rocked back on her bare heels, "you're the one who kissed me. You made me feel special."

I felt a lone tear run down my cheek and tried to erase the heartbreaking sound of Emily's forlorn lilt from my mind. I didn't know she actually cared that much. "Someone better will come along, you won't miss me."

"Why are you doing this?" she scuffed her foot in the grass, doing everything not to meet my eyes. "I know we aren't like dating or anything and we barely know each other but I thought maybe…" She trailed off. When she looked up her chocolate eyes were glassy with unshed tears. "Even when I was alive I never had a serious relationship. I never found anyone I cared about enough. When I came up here to be in this limbo I watched my real life self and waited for someone who would be mine, but even then I never found someone to settle down with. My real life self died drowning and I continued living up here, doing my job and watching numerous people pass through. But still no one meant anything to me. And then you came."

She stopped talking abruptly and took off across the yard. I watched her run into the house, the glass door shaking as she slammed it behind her. I wanted to go after her, but at the same time I was relieved she was mad at me. It would make our goodbye that much easier.

I crawled back into the tent and curled up in a ball on the sleeping bag still warm with Emily's body heat. I wrapped it around me, her intoxicating scent filling my nostrils as a few tears leaked from my eyes. I told myself that I barely knew her. I told myself that I only liked her because she was the first person to be nice to me. I told myself that when I woke up alive I would find someone to love me for who I was. I told myself that she didn't matter. I told myself that leaving her wouldn't hurt. I told myself that it wasn't her I liked, but her kind words. I told myself that it was her job to make me feel good about myself. I told myself that she didn't care. I told myself that I would be better off without her.

I told myself a million lies cutting her down, yet when I fell into a restless sleep she was all I saw.


	16. Chapter 16

**Ok so I lied. I love where this story is going and it's more "positive" I guess than my other one and I just need that type of atmosphere I guess because school's shitty and people are worse sigh.**

**To Sheegan: Hahaha thanks, nice to know you like how I write! I think people are bit apprehensive of suicide stories etc. so they don't bother reading mine. Most of the time (not all) the characters in those types of stories are portrayed... wrong, I guess like Cassie from Skins (if you don't understand that reference basically Cassie has an ED and just for the sake of entertainment/drama they really exaggerated her disorder and people with actual ED's did not relate to her whatsoever). That's why I think (well this is mostly how I view it) people don't really read suicide stories because some people portray everything wrong or use stereotypes to build their character such as every person who suffers from anorexia HAS to be skinny. That is not the case. You don't have to be ridiculously thin to be anorexic which is a common misconception. All in all people really have (not to be rude) no idea what they're talking about and just get shit from Google and chuck it in a story. And that is why people don't really read stories relating to suicide etc.**

**Sorry for the rant by the way I just needed to vent.**

**P.S. Still writing my other story just less inspired to use a swear word every five seconds and abuse the hell out of my characters.**

**On a lighter note, let the story continue!**

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I could hear the steady plunk of rain on the canvas roof of the tent as I huddled in the cold. I didn't really want to go inside and face Emily, because I knew it would hurt. I had become good at shielding my emotions over the years, but there was something so pure about my feelings for Emily that I couldn't hide them. I wished there was a way I could leave without having to see her again. I didn't want to hurt this way anymore. It was a different way than I was used to hurting and I had to admit it was even worse. I knew people were going to insult me, hurt me, and tear me down. I had grown to expect it. I had never expected to like someone and now that I knew I was losing her it hurt even worse.

"What's wrong with you Spencer?" I muttered darkly to myself as I pulled the sleeping bag up over my shoulders. "You barely even know the girl."

Was it the fact that no one had ever shown concern for me before that drew me to Emily? Was it her stunning smile, her honest eyes? Was it the lilting happiness of her laugh? Was it the way she made me feel important? Was it just her in general?

I still couldn't tell if it was the girl I liked, or the idea of her. I didn't know a thing about her. I shouldn't feel that way. I was just delusional by her pretty words and comforting ideas.

My brain tried to unravel the image of the brunette cutie from the sound of her dancing voice. If they were separate in my mind I could go through with this I would feel as if I was leaving behind an ideal, not a physical person.

And that I could deal with.

"Spence?" Emily's timid voice rushed to my ears, filling my body with feelings I no longer wanted to experience. She carefully joined me in the tent, making sure not to spill the large mug of hot chocolate she was carrying in her left hand. Her right hand rested over the top to keep out the rain that was falling steadily outside the small haven of the tent. Emily's chestnut hair was matted to her forehead and small rivers of water were running down her face. Her soaked sweater clung to her chest and revealed every gorgeous muscle in her upper body. I tore my eyes away from her perfection and went back to pretending I didn't care about her.

It was the hardest thing I've ever had to fake.

"Here," she held out the mug to me. "I figured you'd be cold." Her hand was shaking as she offered me the hot drink.

"No thank you," I replied stiffly.

Emily set the mug in the corner of the tent before sitting down next to me. She took off her wet sweater, then pulled her knees to her chest and hugged them close to her body. I could see her shivering from the cold but she didn't make an effort to grab the extra sleeping bag.

"You can drink it," I nodded towards the hot chocolate, which had a few white marshmallows melting into the creamy liquid.

"I made it for you," she rubbed her nose. "I'm not drinking it."

I gave her a slight jerk of my head to show that I understood before scooting as far away from her as I could. The pain in her eyes was reflected in mine. I couldn't do it, though. I couldn't stay here and fall for her even more. I needed to leave and forget her before I made any more memories.

"Can you at least tell me why?" her pretty pink lips were turned down at the corners, as if they were too tired to rise into her signature smile. "Why did you pretend to like me?"

"I didn't pretend," I began to pick at the skin where my scars normally resided. "I do like you."

"Then why do you want to leave?" she moved forward and crossed her legs Indian style, our knees touching through the thick fabric of the sleeping bag hugging my frame. "You don't have to go yet."

"I want to leave before I start liking you even more," I murmured. "It hurts less that way."

Emily's hands bracketed themselves on my face, forcing my eyes to meet her. "You won't remember the hurt," her tongue darted out to lick at her lips, "so why not make the most of our time together?"

My eyes dropped down to her perfect mouth. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted her to hold me in her arms. I wanted to hear her voice whisper in my ear about how beautiful she thought I was. I wanted her to make me feel important. I wanted to lay down with her and spend the rest of my life listening to the beat of her heart. I wanted to hold her hand and never let go. I wanted to be her for the rest of eternity. I wanted to stay in this special place, our body heat warming up the tent as we looked into each other's souls and heard the steady drum of the rain above our heads. I wanted to drown in her eyes and never come up for air.

I wanted her to be real.


	17. Chapter 17

**buh buh buh buh (that was meant to be some tune of some song or something). Okayyyyy so I'm back. I've been in bed all day and I still have to do math hw. I'll probably just quickly edit chapters to make sure I have no mistakes and just keep updating. You guys make me happy. Like wicked smile happy. **

**AKC: They'll be 9 chapters left including the epilogue. So they'll be 26 chapters all in all. Maybe my next fic will be Hannily because I'm getting bored of using brown eyes/hair all the time and blue/blonde features would give me something more to work with. Seriously finding other ways to describe brown is incredibly hard considering it's such a common feature. So I might write a Hannily fic. Only problem is I'm not sure how I'll portray Hanna, she's like sassy funny, like 'spit water out' funny. Where as compared to my humour (which I use in my writing) is kind of like 'hah, I get that' funny (dry like Spencer's humour I guess). Which won't really do Hanna justice. Nevertheless, I'll see what I can do, plus I need to finish my other story, I'm putting it off as it is.**

**Sheegan: I'm like you, I don't want this fic to end either because it makes me happy (I know I could probably just keep Spencer with Emily and keep writing cute scenes but all good things must come to an end). And you guys make me happy. And school doesn't make me happy. Sigh.**

**Anyway, let's continue shall we folks. All aboard the fluff train!**

* * *

Emily silently stood up, taking my hand and tugging me to my feet. She pulled me out of the tent and into the rain, silencing me with a look when I began to protest.

She stopped us in the middle of the yard, bringing on hand up to cup my cheek. The rain poured down around us, plastering our hair and clothes to our bodies. Emily didn't move and neither did I. I didn't know what she wanted but I couldn't bring myself to leave. My teeth began to chatter as the rain fell harder.

"E-Emily? What are you doing?"

"Have you ever seen The Notebook?" her thumb brushed away a few drops that were clinging to my eyelashes.

I nodded. It was an old movie but I had watched it with my grandmother. It was easier to live in her world than it was to live in my own.

"Haven't you always wanted a passionate kiss in the rain?" She didn't give me time to answer, catching my waist with her arm as she smashed her mouth to mine so hard I forgot how to breathe. I melted into her, my legs hooking around her hips as she kissed me deeper. Everything that I had ever been and ever would be did not matter. Everything that ever was lived in this moment in Emily's arms.

I slipped my legs from around her waist when we broke apart, falling into her as I tried to secure my footing on the muddy ground. She caught me, cradling me gently as she bent her forehead down to rest against mine. "Please don't leave."

Looking into her precious eyes, I had no choice. "I won't

"Good," she gave me another kiss, her lips smiling against mine for a few seconds before she pulled away. "Now we can have some fun."

"Fun?" I questioned as she dragged me across the yard to the fence. "What kind of fun?"

"The fun kind," she grinned before taking a running start and diving chest first onto the muddy ground. She slid for a few feet before coming to a stop on the wet grass. When she sat up there was mud streaked across her bra and toned torso, grass in her hair, and the biggest grin I had ever seen on her face. "Come on."

I took a few tentative steps before gaining speed and throwing myself to the ground. I slid on my belly, crashing into where Emily was still sitting. She tumbled backwards as her laugh overpowered the sound of the pouring rain. Grabbing my hand she tugged me up and started to run, planting her heels in the slippery mud and sliding that way before falling. I landed in her lap, the mud squelching underneath us. She casually picked up a handful of the gooey substance and dropped it on my head before planting a sloppy kiss on my muddy cheek.

Emily pushed me off her and laid me down in the mud, bracing herself over me as the mud began to seep into my soaked pajamas. She wiped a drip of mud off my mouth before kissing me, my arms going around her neck as I started to giggle. We rolled around in the rain soaked yard, throwing mud at each other in between the stolen kisses.

"Thank you for staying," Emily sat up, her face sobering up after a few minutes of wild laugher over our mud fight. "I know you think you're the only one benefiting from," Emily waved her hands vaguely, "whatever this is, but you're not. You're helping me too."

I reached out and tenderly wiped away a line of mud that trailed down her face like a tear. The rain was slowly beginning to wash the mud out of her raven brown hair, returning it to its normal color. The brown of her eyes was stunning against the deep gray backdrop of the stormy sky. I was suddenly hit with an overwhelming feeling of contentment. It was something I had never felt before. I was sitting in the mud as rain soaked me from above, wearing a baggy pair of pajamas weighted down with enough water to fill a small pond, and I knew I must look absolutely ridiculous. But in that moment, with Emily smiling at me as her eyes danced with the light of the falling drops, I felt truly happy. I felt that, for once, I belonged.

"How do you do that?" I murmured as I began to shiver.

Emily gave me a confused look, pushing her damp hair away from her forehead. "Do what?"

The rain came down harder and I lost the vision of the tan girl in the blinding rain. I could see nothing but my hand in front of my face, yet I knew Emily was there. It was her presence that made all the difference. It was the knowledge that there was someone who cared for me, somewhere, even if I couldn't see her that brought a slight smile to my face. I had answered my own question. It was that little whisper at the back of my mind, telling me that somewhere in the echoing emptiness that had become my life, I had someone looking over me.

It was in that moment that I knew I would survive. I knew that when I had learned all my lessons I would wake up in a hospital bed somewhere, bandages wrapped around my fresh wounds, and the heat of Emily's smile etched into my brain. I wouldn't remember her, but I knew I would remember this feeling. It would be enough to get me through my darkest days, the smallest knowledge that someone out there wanted me to be the best me that I could be.

I knew Emily would keep her promise and look over me. I knew that she would be there, a fuzzy memory that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I knew that I could recover. I knew that when forever came around, I would look back on my life and know that it hadn't been a waste of time.

The driving rain washed away all that I had been and when I looked into Emily's smiling eyes, I knew I had been reborn.

* * *

**I like how I end the chapters. Like with some kickass line that isn't kickass but kicks you in the heart as you cry silently to yourself. Ok until next chapter!**


	18. Chapter 18

**To anon reviewer: I did mention Em's death in Chapter 15. I didn't make it a big deal though because I didn't think it was that significant. Here's the bit where I mentioned it in case you were going to go back (just making life easier).**

**"When I came up here to be in this limbo I watched my real life self and waited for someone who would be mine, but even then I never found someone to settle down with. My real life self died drowning and I continued living up here, doing my job and watching numerous people pass through. But still no one meant anything to me. And then you came."**

**She drowned. The only thing really wrong with Emily is that she isn't comfortable with the fact that she's gay (like how she was before Maya let her spread her wings and helped her become the all to beautiful Emily Fields she is now.) She's also conflicted about liking Spencer because she thinks Spencer doesn't like her back (not so much now just in the past chapters). That and I hinted that she had a bit of body image issues. That's about it. Anyway it's great you love the story, happy reading! x**

* * *

"Soap?" Emily pulled her right hand out from behind her back and presented me with the green bar. "Or body wash?" Her left hand came out, a white bottle clutched in her grasp.

"Which one smells better?" I held my hand up to catch the hot drops raining down from the showerhead, studying the small red marks they left on my skin.

Emily waved the soap in front of her nose as I leaned back against the brown tiled wall of the large shower. I absentmindedly traced my hand over the sweating tiles as Emily popped the cap on the body wash and gave it a good sniff. "This one," she wiggled the white bottle.

"Then I'll use that," I held out my hand for the cleanser but Emily refused to give it to me. She dumped the silky liquid out onto the blue puff she snagged from the floor and indicated that I should turn around. I did as she suggested, holding my hair up as she began to rub the foamy body wash across my neck and shoulders.

She was humming softly to herself as the water gently fell on our heads, her hand moving across my back in time to the beat. I reached over to the glass door of the large shower and traced our names in the steam, a shaky heart completing the drawing.

"Very cute," Emily threw her arms around me and rested her head on my shoulder, the puff now forgotten on the floor. "But it's missing something."

"What?" I asked, placing my hands over her on my waist and weaving our fingers together.

"A kiss," she stood on her tip-toes and leaned over me in order to plant her lips in the middle of the now melting heart. "Your turn."

I placed my lips in the exact place her had been, which caused her to laugh before she turned me around and actually kissed me. The feel of her skin on mine was electric as she tenderly placed her hands on my bare hips, drawing me into her. I slipped my arms around her neck and tangled my fingers in the thick strands of her wet hair as I deepened our kiss.

"You're cute," she murmured against my lips, her voice low sending shivers up my spine.

"You're cuter," I replied with a quick peck on her puckered lips. I slipped out of her grasp, grabbing the container of shampoo and dumping a good amount in the palm of my hand. "Come."

She obeyed, ducking her head so I could massage the shampoo into her brown hair. She let out a little moan of pleasure as my fingers dragged through her hair, her cheeks burning bright red as soon as she realized what she did.

"Do you like having your hair played with?" I laughed as I worked the shampoo into a lather.

She smiled slightly, "Yeah."

"Then I'll do it more," I dropped a quick kiss on her nose before applying the shampoo to my own hair.

We stayed in the shower for about ten more minutes, letting our bodies warm up after the cold of the rain. Emily wasn't sure if we could get sick here or not and I really hoped we couldn't. I didn't want to spend whatever time I had left with Emily nursing a hacking cough.

Emily pushed open the glass door of the shower and stepped out onto the tile floor, drying out her wet hair as she wrapped a fluffy towel around herself. She held out a matching one to me and I walked into her arms, letting her give me a kiss on the cheek as she draped the towel around my shoulders. I moved it down, wrapping it around my body and padding softly out of the bathroom and down the hall. I could hear Emily behind me, humming under her breath again.

I pushed into my bedroom, surprised to find that Emily was still following me. "What are you doing?" I turned to her, my hand holding tightly onto my green towel.

Emily shrugged and sat herself down on my bed and began to play with a string hanging off the end of her towel. "I'm scared."

"Scared?" I turned my back on her and pulled on some clothes, twisting my hair into a braid as I settled myself next to her on the bed. "Scared of what?"

Her brown eyes were honest and full of pain, "I'm afraid that if I leave you for even a second they will take you away from me."

I didn't know what to say, because I knew that at any moment I could be removed from Emily's world. Whatever greater powers had brought me here in the first place had all the control. If they wanted to remove me and teach me Emily's lessons themselves they could. Every second we spent together was crucial, because each one could be our last.

"Come on," I held my hand out to her as I stood and she took it, her towel slipping off her slim figure. She grabbed it with her other hand and let me led her out of my room and towards her. "I'll stay with you at all times if you want."

She nodded gratefully and quickly got dressed, glancing at me every few seconds to make sure I was still there. It was weird, knowing that someone actually cared this much about me and was concerned for me. It was a good weird, but something that would take some getting used to.

"Want dinner?" Emily shook out her hair, running her hands through it as her brown eyes met mine.

I hesitated, and then cautiously nodded yes. A huge grin broke out over Emily's face and I couldn't help but smile back. She ran at me, her arms going around my waist as she lifted me up and spun me around the room. "You'll love food, it's amazing."

"I'll try it," I promised. "But my body isn't really used to it so I don't know how it will react."

"Baby steps," Emily smiled before planting a kiss on my nose. "We're going to make you better."


	19. Chapter 19

**Decided to post this chapter with the last one because I really liked writing this one.**

* * *

"This is a carrot," Emily waved the orange vegetable in front of my face before taking a large bite out of it.

"I know what it is," I laughed, carefully slicing a cucumber. I was in charge of making the salad and Emily was making, well, I didn't really know. She had emptied the fridge of pretty much all its contents, but she hadn't done much besides steal the vegetables I was cutting up.

"Cherry tomato," Emily held up the tiny red fruit. "Open up."

I did as she said, biting down so the sweet taste of the tomato exploded over my tongue. Emily snatched up a few of my cucumber slices, laughing and taunting me when I scolded her.

She tried to steal a few more and I slapped her hand away, "Go cook."

Emily pouted, cradling her hand to her chest as her eyes danced in the light of the kitchen. "You hurt my hand. I'm injured."

"I did not," I finished up with the cucumber and grabbed a few carrots.

"Did too. A kiss will make it better though." Emily held out her hand with an exaggerated frown on her face. "Please."

"Fine," I grabbed her hand and planted my lips on it. "Better?"

"Not quite," Emily snagged my waist and lifted me onto the counter, shoving her lips against mine. I kissed her back as my fingers made their way to her hair. I felt her lips split into a smile before I pulled away and slid myself off the counter.

"Now go cook," I grabbed a dish towel and smacked her in the butt with it.

"I don't know what to make," she admitted. "I can only cook pasta."

"So make pasta," I shrugged and went back to the veggies. "Doesn't matter to me."

"Spaghetti it is." Emily went to work filling the pot with water as I found a large box of spaghetti in the cabinet. She disappeared from the kitchen after setting the pot on the stove and I could hear her rummaging around in the closet down the hall.

"Don't come out of the kitchen," Emily stuck her brunette head around the corner, her eyes bright with excitement. "Okay?"

I nodded in agreement and was just about to get lost in my work again when Emily's panicked voice sounded from the dining room. "Are you still there?"

"Yes I'm here," I dumped some lettuce in a massive bowl before adding the vegetables I had worked with such precision on.

"Good," Emily sounded relieved. "I didn't mean to leave you alone. Can you talk so I know you haven't gone anywhere?"

"What do you want me to say?" I moved the salad bowl away from the counter where I had been working and went about cleaning up my mess.

"Anything."

"Can I sing?"

"Sure."

I began singing softly, remembering a song my grandma had used to sing all the time when she thought no one else was around. I had no idea what song it was or who sang it, but the lyrics suddenly filled my mind. I felt a stab of sadness for the only person I had ever known actually cared for me. If I didn't come out of this limbo alive at least I would be reunited with her.

_And don't go to bed yet love, I think it's too early_

_And we just need a little time to ourselves_

_If my wall clock tells me that it's 4 in the morning I'll give it hell 'Cause I've been trying way too long_

_To try and be the perfect song_

_When our hearts are heavy burdens_

_We shouldn't have to bear alone_

I ran a sponge over the counter as I got to the chorus.

_So goodnight moon and goodnight you_

_When you're all that I think about_

_All that I dream about_

_How'd I ever breathe without_

_A goodnight kiss from goodnight you_

_The kind of hope they all talk about_

_The kind of feeling we sing about_

_Sit in our bedroom and read aloud_

_Like a passage from goodnight moon_

I turned and saw Emily standing in the doorway, a red tablecloth trailing from her right hand and a glass vase in the other.

I stopped singing, "Hi."

"H-hi," she smiled a little bit. "What song were you just singing?"

I shrugged and dropped the sponge in the sink. "My grandma used to sing it."

"Did she tell you the original artist?"

I shrugged. If she had I couldn't remember.

Emily began to sing, picking up the song where I had left off. Her voice washed over me and something about it and the lyrics just seemed right together.

_And sing for me softly love your song for tomorrow_

_And tell me my name's the one that's hidden in there somewhere_

_And dream for me anything_

_But dream it in color about when all the suns still rising and we don't care_

_Cause I've been trying way too long_

_To try and be the perfect song_

_When our hearts are heavy burdens_

_We shouldn't have to bear alone_

I joined in as we sang the chorus together while cleaning.

_So goodnight you and goodnight moon_

_When you're all that I think about_

_All that I dream about_

_How'd I ever breathe without_

_A goodnight kiss from goodnight you_

_The kind of hope they all talk about_

_The kind of feelings we sing about_

_Sit in our bedrooms and read aloud_

_Like a passage from goodnight moon_

_From goodnight moon_

I stopped waiting for her to sing, thinking that I'd rather hear her melodious voice over mine any day. She saw my cue and smirked looking at me as she sang the next verse.

_And there you were_

_As I saw my Juliet come graceful down the stairs_

_It's hard to miss the way her eyes light up the room and still the air_

She came up behind me mid-verse and wrapped her arms around my waist. She sang by my ear in a whispery tone.

_Just feel her lips lock on to every breath I take and breathe it in_

_Do you feel us falling? Cause I feel us falling._

When she had finished she indicated for me to follow her and I did, making my way to the living room. She was on her knees in the corner of the room sifting through a bunch of vinyl discs. When she found the one she was looking for she popped it onto the record player. I heard the opening notes of the song we just sang in the kitchen.

"Hey, it was Go Radio!" I finally recalled.

Emily nodded, "Yeah it was."

I listened to the rest of the song, sighing as I remembered hanging out with my grandmother during summer.

"I want to hear another one," I turned to Emily as the last few notes of Goodnight Moon faded out. "Please."

I sat down on the couch and tucked my legs underneath myself as she selected a new disc. I heard Sam Smith begin to sing as Emily joined me. I rested my head on her shoulder, closing my eyes as I waited for an artist's voice to fill my ears.

_I'm so encaptured, got me wrapped up in your touch _

_Feel so enamored, hold me tight within your clutch _

_How do you do it, you got me losing every breath _

_What did you give me to make my heart beat out my chest_

_ Now I got you in my space_

_I won't let go of you_

_Got you shackled in my embrace_

_I'm latching on to you _

"This is Latch isn't it?" I opened my eyes as a smile formed on my lips.

"Yeah," Emily laughed and gave me a quick kiss. "It is."

"Can we play it again?"

"What the song?" Emily stood up and went over to the record. "Or just that part?"

"Just that part."

"We have to finish making dinner," she gently removed the disc from the player and placed it back in its case. "I'll sing it to you instead."

"All right," I let her pull me off the couch and into the kitchen. She instructed me to dump the spaghetti into the water as she finished setting up the dining room. I did as she said, letting a random stream of consciousness bubble from my lips so she knew I hadn't gone anywhere.

Once dinner was ready Emily made my stay in the kitchen while she set up the heaping plates of spaghetti. Finally she came up behind me and covered my eyes, guiding me into the dining room. When her hands parted she revealed that the dining room table had been pushed out of the way and the coffee table from the living room had been dragged it. It was draped in red tablecloth and two flickering candles sat on top of it. There were fluffy looking pillows on either end of the table for us to sit on and the steaming plates containing our dinner were ready for eating.

I crossed my legs and sat down on the closest of the pillows as Emily moved around to the other side.

"I figured we could do the Lady and The Tramp kiss tonight, since we already did The Notebook one this morning," her cheeks were an extremely gorgeous shade of rose as the flames danced in the reflection of her blue eyes. The lights were off, leading me to believe she was actually a little more embarrassed then she appeared.

"Sure," I moved my plate out of the way and took a noodle from Emily's, slipping it into my mouth. She found the other side and we both began to chew, our eyes occasionally meeting before sliding away. We were both leaning over the table and I began to smile right before Emily's lips met mine.

It was as perfect as any moment could be.

* * *

**Hope you guys don't mind my music taste... if you were wondering the songs were:**

**1st: Goodnight Moon by Go Radio (it was kind of a tribute to them because they broke up a few days ago and I was incredibly devastated because I have yet to see them live and probably will never now)**

**2nd: Latch by Sam Smith (If you like it look up Disclosure's version of it, both are similar but depends what you're into)**


	20. Chapter 20

"Marco!" Emily yelled, her gloved hands out in front of her as she took cautious steps across the cold yard.

"Polo," I giggled from against the fence. Emily was going in circles, her Supras crunching on the frosty ground as she tried to find me. Her nose was bright red from the cold, a few wisps of brown hair escaping from the blue beanie she had on her head. The scarf she wore around her neck was starting to untangle and if she kept going this way, it would be on the ground in a few seconds.

"Marco!" she called again, stumbling a bit on a frozen clump of grass.

I didn't answer as I crossed the yard towards her. I grabbed the ends of her scarf and tugged her towards me. "Polo," I whispered as my cold nose rubbed against her. Seconds later our lips pressed together as I pulled down on her scarf and forced her mouth to mine. Her hands snaked around my waist and pushed themselves into the back pockets of my tight jeans. I stood on tip-toe so I could reach her mouth better as our kiss deepened.

When we separated Emily slowly opened her brown eyes, a smile on her face when she saw me looking at her. She readjusted the white knit cap I was wearing before pulling the scarf off her neck and wrapping it around mine instead. I gave her a quick kiss on her flushed cheek and took off across the yard. Emily ran after me, catching me easily and scooping me up into her arms as she decorated my face with frosty kisses. I crinkled up my nose and giggled as she nuzzled my cheek with her.

"Look!" I pointed up to the dark November sky. Emily followed my gaze, her eyes locking on the snowflakes dancing down from above. The small white flakes began to settle in her eyelashes, drawing my attention to her amazing eyes. She wiped a few of the wet drops off my nose and gave me another sweet kiss before carrying me towards the house.

"It's getting cold," she murmured. "You're shivering like crazy."

I didn't want to leave the snow, so I tried to climb out of her arms. "I don't want to go in." I had never thought I would see a snowfall again. I succeeded in escaping and I began to run, my arms out and my head back. My white hat fell off and my hair streamed out behind me, the frozen flakes catching in my long mane of dark brown hair. I paused in the middle of the yard, spinning in tight circles as my unbuttoned red coat whipped around my body. I could feel the sharp sting of the snow on my cheeks and it felt wonderful. I stuck out my tongue, letting a few of the precious white masterpieces land in my mouth before I opened my eyes. Emily was watching me from across the yard, a small smile on her face at my obvious joy.

"Come," I opened and closed my hands as I called her towards me. She slowly made her way over, shoving her hands into the pockets of her sweatpants as I waited. Emily stopped a few feet in front of me, raising an eyebrow in a 'what you gonna do about it?' way.

I launched myself at her, my legs wrapping around her hips as she took a step back in surprise before her hands went down to support my body. I pressed my lips to her as hard as I could, enjoying the slight moan she let out as my tongue went to work on her mouth. I moved my lips down, gently kissing along the curve of her jaw as her breathing became shallow. Her neck arched and I began sucking at the sensitive skin, feeling her hands tighten on my thighs and listening to a few small gasps escape her lips.

"Do you like that?" I murmured against her hot skin, my lips skimming the pulsing beat in her neck.

"Yes," her voice was breathless, so low that if I hadn't seen the cloud of steam escape her lips I wouldn't have realized she spoke.

"Should I do it again?" my tongue flicked out and caught her burning skin, causing a shiver to shake her body as she took a deep breath. I went back to biting gently at her neck, loving the way I could so easily manipulate her. I liked that my touch actually did something to her.

"Let's go inside," she turned and began to carry me towards the door as I continued to kiss up and down her face and neck. I could feel her body shake every time my moist lips lightly touched the heat of her skin. I placed my hands on her cheeks, drawing her mouth to mine as I stole her breath. She quickened her pace, carrying me up the stairs as we continued to make out passionately.

Finally we entered our bedroom and Emily kicked the door shut behind us before dropping me onto the bed. She landed on top of me, pushing my coat off as her tongue desperately searched my mouth. I let out a small gasp as she moved onto my collarbones, sucking gently at the skin there as she pulled down the collar of my sweater. My neck arched, her hands grabbing tightly onto my hips as I involuntarily bucked my body towards her. I wanted to be close to her.

I clamored to get her shirt off, my hands shaking as I tugged down the zipper and let her hoodie fall aside. She continued kissing me, biting and licking my tender skin as I removed her white tee shirt from her person. My hands explored her toned stomach as we rolled about the bed, our breathing heavy and our hearts beating faster than I ever imagined possible. Minutes later her pants and my sweater joined her other clothes on the floor.

She pushed me deeper into the bed, the sharp curve of her hips digging into my body as I grabbed her hair and forced her mouth to mine. I could taste the lust on her lips as we kissed. She fumbled with the button on my jeans, indicating I should lift my hips as she slid them off. I placed a hand on her slim hip, slipping my thumb underneath the cotton of her underwear and rubbing it in small circles over her sensitive skin.

"Spence," she moaned into my mouth, her hand catching mine and pulling it out of her underwear. "Stop."

She rolled off me and covered her face as I sat up in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"We aren't doing this," she shifted to try and hide just how excited she had become from my eyes.

"Why not?" I flipped myself on top of her, grabbing the elastic band of her underwear and slowly dragging the soft cotton down over her hips. She took my hands and pinned them to her side as she shook her head.

"No Spence," she let out a sharp gasp as I ground my hips into her. "Stop."

"Come on Emily," I shifted my shoulder so the strap of my bra fell down. I could see her eyes studying my smooth skin as a battle took place in her eyes. "You know you want to," I purred, leaning down to press my lips to her throat. I kissed my way down as she tensed underneath me, slowly and deliberately trailing my kisses across her jerking hips.

"No, no," she moaned, pushing my head aside and jumping off the bed. She pulled her panties back up to their normal height and backed away with wild eyes.

"What are you doing?" I pushed my bra strap back up and tried to ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach. She didn't want me.

"I can't do this," she ran a hand through her hair. "You're moving too fast. I like when we just lie there and hold each other and not do that," she waved her hand vaguely. "I'm not, I'm not ready," she stuttered. "I don't want to be bad."

"You won't be bad," I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them as I studied her. "Why are you worrying so much?"

"Because you were sexually abused and I don't want to remind you of that. I don't want to sleep with you," she blushed deeply, "I want to make love to you and I don't know if I can or if I'm ready for that. I want to be the first person who actually loves you, not takes advantage of you. And I want it to be special if we do it, I don't want it to just be a rushed thing like this. I want to live in that moment for a long time."

I got up off the bed and went over to her, resting my hands gently on her hips as I kissed her sweetly. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close as I dropped my head to the gentle curve of her neck. She placed her head on mine, ducking her lips to brush along my hairline. "Thank you for understanding," she murmured into my skin.

"No," I pulled back and looked at her with misty eyes as my hand cupped her precious cheek. "Thank you for caring."

She hugged me close again and we stayed that way for who knows how long, our hearts beating in sync as I wondered how my life would ever be able to compare to my death.


	21. Chapter 21

"Emily do you have another roll of tape?"

"Yup," she tossed it at me, not looking up from where she was sitting cross-legged on the bed wearing an unbuttoned plaid shirt and a pair of striped boxers.

"Your outfit clashes," I walked over and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before snagging a handful of the pictures scattered around her.

She looked down at herself and shrugged out of her shirt, "Better?"

"I was just joking," I held the pictures up to the wall and began taping them in place. I studied the collage we were making on our bedroom wall, which consisted of hundreds of stupid pictures of the two of us that we had taken over the course of my stay in the limbo.

"I printed more," Emily rolled off the bed and fell to the floor with a muffled groan. "Be right back."

I finished hanging up the ones we had as I heard Emily whistling from somewhere deeper in the house. The pictures varied, from sweet to funny to just plain weird. They told my journey of recovery.

"Back," Emily dumped an armload of pictures on the duvet before flopping herself down. "We took a lot of pictures."

I jumped on the bed to join her, leaning my chin on her exposed hip as I studied the laptop she was scrolling through. Hundreds of pictures went flashing by in quick succession on the large screen.

Emily's hand reached behind her and grabbed me, nudging me up towards her head. She rolled over, the laptop forgotten, and gave me a long, shivering kiss. We kissed for a few minutes before I moved my lips down, lightly kissing the beauty marks that danced across her skin. Her arms went around me and she pulled me close, dropping a kiss on my head before slipping away.

"Let's finish this," she indicated the wall as she grabbed a few more pictures. I skipped over to join her, holding the photographs up to the wall while Emily taped. As the pictures went up we stole kisses, giggling and flirting with electric lips and searching hands. It took hours to put up because of all the make out sessions we paused for but eventually the whole wall was papered with our happy faces.

"We're done," Emily sang out, her chin resting on my shoulder and her arms around my waist from behind. I titled my head back and twisted it to the side, my lips melting into Emily's smile. I raised my hands above my head and ran my fingers through Emily's thick silken hair, electing a small moan from her pretty lips. I flipped in her arms, turning so I was facing her and giving me a better angle at her mouth. My fingers worked their way deeper into her brown locks and I moved closer to her, wanting to press as much of my skin to her as possible.

Emily pushed aside the thin silk of the pink robe I was wearing, letting the smooth material flow down over my shoulder and reveal the creamy white of my skin. She rubbed her thumb across my shoulder, gently tracing my collarbone. Her other hand fumbled at my waist in an attempt to untie the thin strip of fabric that held the robe to my body.

"I'll do it," I murmured against her lips, pushing her away so I could undress. She watched me for a few seconds before moving the laptop off the bed and dimming the lights. I let the robe drop, allowing it pool in a silky mess at my feet. I elegantly stepped out of pink pillow of fabric on the ground, feeling seductive and beautiful in my lace underwear. Emily was sitting at the edge of the bed, the warm brown of her eyes alive with a bright light as she watched me move towards her. Her arms went out automatically, drawing me into a loving embrace as her lips brushed gently at my ear.

"You move like liquid silver," she murmured. "It's mesmerizing."

Gently Emily laid us out on the bed, her lips briefly searing different points of my skin before moving away. I enjoyed the sensation, but I didn't want just her lips on me. I wanted every inch of my body to be covered in her. When her lips moved back up to mine I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist and didn't let her go. The slip of her skin on mine did things to me that I couldn't even fathom to explain. I traced a finger over the tender curve of her slim hip and felt her skin melt into mine as we kissed. I could hear every beat of her heart, taste every whisper of her breath, feel the bite of her salty sweat on my neck.

Her gentle touch sent tingles of pleasure up my spine and all she was doing was wrapping her fingers through mine as they rested on the white sheets. I could taste the curiosity on her lips as her other hand moved down towards the thin lace covering my hips. "Can I take this off?" she whispered against my mouth, her fingers dancing across the lace.

I nodded, my hands back in her hair. At her prodding I lifted my hips so she could slide the fabric away. Once my legs were free of the lace Emily returned her hand to my hip, letting her kiss deepen slightly. I removed my hands from her perfect hair and moved them to the soft cotton band of her boxers, pushing them down slightly until she nodded her consent. My hands skimmed her smooth butt before settling on the backs of her thighs. I arched my neck as her lips moved down, my legs automatically tangling with her in an attempt to get as close to her flushed skin as possible.

Her hand lovingly stroked my cheek as she pulled away slightly, "Are you ready?"

I nodded, catching her hand on my face. "Just go slowly."

"Of course," her lips were on mine again. I felt myself falling, losing myself with every touch and hint of warm breath. In the warm bedroom with the lights low and Emily's heart beating next to mine everything felt perfect.


	22. Chapter 22

**No smut I'm afraid, I'm quite sick of it considering what I have to write for my other story. Sorry for the shortness of the chapter as well but I couldn't think of another way to go (you'll see what I mean...)**

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Emily's tender fingers brushed a damp strand of dark brown hair away from my face, the love shining in her brown eyes such a strange sight. I wasn't used to seeing that after sex. It surprised me how much I was actually affected by it and I tried to hide the tears welling in my eyes from Emily's gaze.

"Spence, did I hurt you? Are you all right?" the concern and pain lacing her voice sent me over the edge. I cried into her chest as she held me close, soothing me even though she didn't know why I was crying.

"Thank you," I murmured over and over into her flushed skin, clinging to her like I never had before. Her gentle lips brushed my forehead and brought out a smattering of goose bumps on my skin. I nuzzled even closer to her, listening to the unnaturally rapid beat of her heart.

"I love you Spencer," Emily muttered into my hair. "I just wanted you to know that."

"I love you too." Before the words had left my mouth I hadn't really thought of them, but I knew how true they were now that they were out in the open. "Thank you for everything. Really."

I felt her hand move down to my ribs, which no longer stuck out as much as the first time Emily had touched them. I had been eating a lot better lately. I melted into her touch, letting the soft slip of her fingers transport me.

"Thank you," her eyes found mine and held them. "You've helped me too."

I kissed her lips softly before slipping out of bed and collecting my rope from the floor. I pulled it back on, tying it loosely around my waist as I flipped the lights up. Emily's skin glowed angelically from the bed, lite from within by the slight sheen of sweat on her perfect body. The sheet was pooled gracefully around her legs in a simple yet provocative way. I found myself staring at her, still as mesmerized by her beauty as I was the first time I saw her. A small smile was fixed on her face, a tiny dimple popping out in her cheek as she watched me watching her. I could feel my cheeks heating up, so I turned away from her bright gaze and focused instead on the wall of pictures we had completed that day.

"We look so stupid," I pointed out a few of the weirder pictures.

Emily laughed, "No we don't. We look fine."

I titled my head, studying the strange faces and odd looks we were wearing. "Well that's easy for you to say. You have confidence. You know how to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously. Maybe I need to learn that."

"No!" Emily shouted, launching her thin body off the bed towards me. I felt her arms go around me and heard her distant sobs fill my ear as everything went black.

And just like that I was gone.


	23. Chapter 23

**I felt bad leaving you guys on that note so here I am in sciyou. I'm supposed to be studying for my exam but here I am throwing my education away for you. Enjoy (having your heart broken) x**

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When I woke up I was screaming.

It was screaming like I had never experience it before. It wasn't fear that racked my yells or even pain. It was worse than that. It was heartache.

"Shhh love, everything will be all right." I heard a girl's voice soothing me as the empty arena rang with my echoing sobs. I still wasn't fully awake. My mind was still in Emily's world, the ghost of her arms around me. That's when I realized it wasn't Emily's arms, but those of a mischievous eyed girl with a sweep of brown hair and a shock of concern on her face. "You're almost done babe, just hang in there."

"No!" I cried, grabbing at her striped shirt and shoving my tear stained face into her chest. "No! No! No!"

"Love," the girl bundled me closer, "please breathe. You're scaring me."

"Emily," I whimpered in a voice raw with pain. "I want Emily."

"Oh Spencer," the girl's voice was rich with sadness. "I'm sorry."

"Emily!" I cried out again, my sobs increasing as the new girl tried to calm my withering body. I needed to get out of here. I needed to go back to Emily. Back to where I belonged.

A loud ringing filled the arena, drowning out my sobs for a few brief seconds as the brown eyed girl fumbled with her phone. When I heard Emily's teary voice coming out of the speaker I broke down again, reaching for the phone as my sobs stole my breath and broke my heart. The new girl handed it off silently, pity in her eyes as I desperately pressed the phone to my ear and whispered Emily's name.

"Spence," Emily's voice caught in her throat and I could hear the sadness in that one word. But I knew she was trying to be strong for my sake. "Get better, all right? Go back to the real world and show them what they were missing. Live your life and remember that I'm watching over you." Her voice caught and her strong façade faltered for a second, "I need you to come back. I love you."

"I love you too," I wiped roughly at my eyes with the back of my hand. "Why did I leave you?"

"Because you learned my lesson," I closed my eyes so I could see her angelic face clearly in my mind. "You realized it without me teaching it to you. I didn't think you would just randomly say it, so I never warned you against it."

"I miss you," I whispered. I had only been consciously aware of her absence for less than a minute, yet it had overtaken everything. With every agonizing second that passed I felt the dull ache in my heart grow sharper.

"I miss you too," her voice quivered and I could tell she had started to cry. "Get better babe. For me."

I nodded feverishly, not realizing she couldn't see me. The next thing I heard was a click in my ear and just like that Emily was gone. Forever.

I dropped the brown-eyed girl's phone to the stage and sobbed into my hands. I cried and cried and cried, feeling the heat of the girl's body as she held me tightly. It felt wrong to be held by someone who wasn't Emily.

It took hours, but finally all my tears had dried up. My face was swollen, my eyes were bloodshot, my stomach heaved, and my throat was screamed raw. I wanted to die.

Too bad I was already dead.

The girl, who I now realized must've been Paige seeing as she was the only girl left from when I read Hanna's phone list, brushed away the last of my tears with a gentle hand. I was cradled in her arms, my body curled up in her lap in the middle of a stage I had seen before. "I was here with Aria," I whispered, not realizing I had spoken out loud.

"Yes you were," Paige gave me a pretty smile. "I'm Paige by the way."

"I know," I climbed off her and stood up, straightening the gray skinny jeans and black shirt I was now wearing. "Emily told me about all you guys." My voice caught on Emily's name and I knew Paige had noticed. I dropped my eyes and focused on the toes of my black Converse.

"I'm really sorry Spencer," she murmured gently. "But you can't go back."

"I'm never going to see her again," the tears welled up in my eyes again, even though I didn't think I could possibly cry anymore. "She's gone."

"The ones we love are never truly gone," Paige's voice was soft and musical. "They live forever in our hearts and memories."

"But I won't remember her," I sobbed, automatically reaching out for Paige in hopes of comfort. She obliged, hugging me close so I could feel the tight muscles in her slim body. Her hand circled my back, calming me the one calmed a scared child.

"What would you like to do?" her whimsical voice was light in my ear. "Stay here as long as possible so you can keep her in your memories or learn my lesson and move on?"

I didn't answer right away. It was a lose-lose situation. If I stayed to remember Emily, I would also be living in constant pain. But if I left I would only have one person left before I forgot Emily for good. I didn't want either to happen. I wanted to go back a few hours in time, back to when Emily and I were lying tangled in the sheets of our bed with our arms around each other and our hearts beating together in unison.

"What would she want?" I murmured into Paige's chest. "She'd want me to move on."

"Memories it is then," Paige pulled away slightly and displayed another small but beautiful smile. "Enjoy."

Paige's memories were a lot like Hanna's, quick and choppy.

I stared at her, watching as she followed Emily. It ached to see Emily, but I had to get through.

Next I was watching her riding her bike to a nice house. It looked warm and fuzzy. The storm was fighting her as she knocked on the door. I saw Emily answer it. What was with Paige and Emily? Before I could contemplate it any longer the scene changed again.

Paige talking to Emily. Paige looking at Emily. Paige and Emily. I could watch Paige without feeling a stabbing pain in my chest for the beautiful brown haired girl, obviously the object of her affections. But every so often my eyes strayed, my gaze sliding over to Emily. I wanted to run out and take her in my arms. I wanted to cry into her chest and never let her go. I wanted her to smile that smile at me and call me Spence. But I knew I was nothing more than an illusion here. I knew if I attempted to touch her I would just fall right through her.

I sat through each scene, watching and listening as Paige hinted at her love for Emily. I didn't feel jealously, only sadness. I had no idea if this was important or not, but it was something that stood out in my mind as I tried not to focus on Emily.

The last scene I saw was one on the stage where I had left Paige. In this scene, she had finally confessed that she liked Emily. I smiled. She treated Emily well, all though someone's reactions would be to be jealous, I couldn't help but feel happy for Paige. Emily really was amazing. I was only really curious what happened between them. Both didn't seem bitter. When they shared their first kiss I faded out and awoke on the stage where Paige was sitting.

"Feeling better love?"

I nodded slightly.

"Good," she smiled brightly.

"What happened," I blurted. "between you two?"

A small half smile settled on her features, "We fell out of love, but hey at least I got a chance."

"That's your lesson," I rubbed my eyes tiredly as I tried not to think too much about Emily. "Face your fears."

Paige reached out and brushed a strand of hair from my eyes, "I know you're scared to go back to the real world. I also know you're scared to live without Emily. But I know you can do it."

"Bye Paige," I whispered as everything started to fade about.

"Bye bye Spence."

One person, the only boy, and I would be done.

And Emily would be gone from my mind forever.


	24. Chapter 24

**GUESS WHO GOT FULL MARKS FOR THEIR GEOGRAPHY TEST WITHOUT STUDYING? I DID! AND GUESS WHAT? I'M JUST GOING TO POST THE FULL STORY INCLUDING THE EPILOGUE BECAUSE LIFE IS BLOODY EXCELLENT. IS IT NOT?! SO THANK WHATEVER TEACHER MARKED MY EXAM BECAUSE THEY'RE THE REASON FOR BOTH OUR HAPPINESS (not so much happy for you because the story will end but you get what I mean).**

**And just to the reviews so far, thanks so much I love you all x Hugs to everyone. Oh dear god life is good. Life is great. **

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This time I woke up in a meadow. I was curled up in the sweet grass, surrounded by flowers of every color imaginable. "Huh?" I sat up, my pink sundress pooling around me as I rubbed my eyes in confusion. This was weird. The other girl's limbos had all been the places where their Nephilim selves had broken free of their real selves. It had been the places where their lessons were learned for the first time. But here was just an endless field of flowers as far as the eye could see, with a sky so blue overhead. This looked more like one would imagine an eternal resting place to look. I glanced around, searching for the final angel, the boy, in this otherworld adventure. I just needed to learn Toby's lesson and I would find out my fate. Would it be life or death? At this moment, I really didn't care. Either way I would be without Emily.

"Toby?" I stood, feeling the cool grass underneath my bare feet as I tried to find the final of the five Nephilims. He had to be here somewhere. "Toby?"

Suddenly a head showed above the cluster of flowers to my left. Toby's blue eyes were wide with surprise, "How do you know my name?"

"Emily," I kept my voice level, not wanting to cry again. I was tired of crying.

"Well that ruins my entrance," he stood up and brushed a few loose strands of shockingly green grass off his khaki trousers. "But I'll forgive you for that. Hello."

"Hi," I shifted from foot to foot as I squinted into the sun. It was really bright out here. "Where are we?"

"You tell me," Toby walked over and gave me a dimpled smile. "You made it."

"Huh?" What did he mean I made it?

"This," Toby spread his arms out in a sweeping gesture that encompassed all of the flower filled field. "It came from your mind."

"What is it?"

Toby shrugged, "Your idea of paradise I guess."

I shook my head violently, "No, paradise would be somewhere with Emily."

"Well," Toby sank down in the soft grass and crossed his legs Indian style. "Why don't you sit down and we'll have a little chat?"

I sat down next to him, smoothing out the hem of my dress and wondering what he wanted to talk about.

"So how did you like Aria? What did you think of her lesson?"

"I liked her and it was good I guess."

Toby's blue eyes bore into mine, "You see I'm the last person you are going to meet up here. After me that's it, you're done. So it's my job to make sure you've actually learned what you were sent here to learn."

I interrupted him, "Aren't you going to teach me something as well?"

"I will," he gently plucked a pink flower from its stem and twirled it around in his long fingers before handing it off to me. "But it's different than the other girl's lessons. I didn't have an 'ah-ha' moment like they did. My lesson is something that's been ingrained in me and should be known by everyone. For that reason, I don't have memories like the others. So you're just going to have to bear with me until I decide to let you in on what I know. Make sense?"

I nodded, the silky petals of the flower brushing my nose as I ducked my head. It smelt amazing.

"So Aria's lesson?" Toby brought the train of conversation back on track. "What was it?"

"Don't be afraid to try something just because you think you'll be bad at it," I recited.

"Good," Toby had drawn another flower from its stem and I watched as he brought it to his nose. "Now apply that lesson to moment in your life."

"What?" I felt the way I had when I had first been thrown into the limbo; lost, dazed, confused, and a little scared. This wasn't the way things had gone with the others. This was different. I didn't like different.

"Apply it to your life," he repeated, the flower forgotten as his green gaze locked on mine.

"I, I don't know," I stuttered under his intense stare. I couldn't think with him looking at me like that.

"Come on, I know you can do it." He gave me a brilliant half smile, his dimples standing out in relief.

"Ummm," I racked my brain. "When I first went to Emily's limbo I was scared to slide down the banister because I was afraid I would make a fool of myself."

Toby's smile faltered a bit, "Spencer you're supposed to be applying the lesson to your life, not your death."

"Can't I do it this way?" I pleaded. "I don't like thinking about my life."

"You have to accept your life at some point, that's just the way it is."

"Fine," my voice was ice cold but I knew my anger wasn't directed at Toby. I was angry with myself for, well, everything. Why hadn't I been better at life?

Toby seemed to know what I was thinking and laid a comforting hand on my shoulder, "It wasn't your fault Spencer. You didn't ask for those things to happen to you."

I narrowed my eyes; how did he know what happened to me? The others hadn't.

"I'm in your head," he finally answered. "That's how I knew this was your paradise. I told you before; I'm different from the others."

"Why?" He went to answer and I knew he was about to recite the same speech as before. I cut him off, "No I mean why did you get to be a Nephilim if you didn't have a moment?"

Toby lifted his shoulders in a half-hearted shrug, "I'm not a Nephilim."

"Then what are you?" I regarded him cautiously, not really sure what to make of this news.

A bashful half smile settled on his face, "I'm an angel."

"Like a full one?"

"Yeah," he was plucking at the grass again, nimbly weaving it into a braided rope with his slender fingers.

"But you were alive. You were friends Emily. In a band even." My voice had an accusatory tone and I didn't try to hide it.

"Angels walk among the living every day love," Toby ran a hand through his silky brown hair. "You've probably met one or two."

I let out a loud, sarcastic laugh. "Not anyone in my life, trust me."

Toby shrugged again, "You never know. Give me your wrist."

"Why?" I kept both my hands in my lap, not giving him what he wanted until he explained further.

He wiggled the braided rope he had made back and forth, "I want to put this on."

I obliged, holding out my thin wrist for him. He gently knotted the grass in place before I pulled my arm back and studied the way the vibrant green looked against my skin. "When you go back to the real world it's going to stay. Even though it's grass, it will never wilt or fade. It's a reminder not to cut."

"How do you know I'm going back?" I kept my eyes on the grass bracelet, imagining how it would look soaked in crimson blood.

"Stop," Toby gave me a disapproving glare. I had forgotten he could hear what I was thinking. "And I'm the one who makes the final decision, that's how I know."

"Can you send me back to Emily?" my voice rose hopefully.

"Sorry Spencer, I don't have that much power."

His words suddenly sunk in and I realized how truly hard this was going to be. "I'm going back? Like definitely going back to the shitty life I left? What happens if I try to kill myself again?"

"Yes you are and don't worry, you won't," he said so certainly that I knew it was true. This time, I was in for the long haul.

* * *

"Do the other girls know?" I flipped over onto my stomach, the lush grass tickling my chin as I addressed Toby.

"Know what?" he mimicked my position, resting his face in his hands as his nose bumped mine.

"That you're a real angel."

"It might have been mentioned once or twice."

"Are they jealous?" I watched as Toby's blue eyes blinked lazily, his pretty lashes brushing against his cheekbones as he prepared to answer.

"No. I'm jealous of them."

This surprised me, "Why?"

"Because they got to have lives beyond Rosewood. I didn't. They were real people, living real lives, and once my band broke up I disappeared off the face of the earth, because I had fulfilled what I had been sent down to do. I was no longer needed. They however got to move on with those lives."

"What were you sent down to do?"

He smiled modestly, showing off his perfect mouth. "Save as many lives as I could."

"By being in a band?" I flipped again, not really comfortable with having Toby's flawless face so close to my own. It made me feel really inferior. Now I was staring up at a sky so blue that all I could think about was Emily's hoodies she wore.

"Yes by being in a band. And it worked." I heard his voice change, as if he was about to say something serious. "Your grandmother's life was one of those."

"What?" I sat up, my eyes wide as I stared at Toby. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged, "I don't know what it was about us, but people adore us and looked up to us. We gave them a reason to live. Your grandma was one of those people." Toby gave me a small smile, "I met her once. She was a lovely girl."

That was weird to think about, that this nineteen year old boy sitting in front of me had met my grandmother. "Did she tell you that you saved her?" my voice came out in a whisper, though that had not been my intention.

"Yeah she did," his smile was barely noticeable, but it was the prettiest one I had seen from him. I could tell he was proud of the job he had done.

I thought back to what he had said before, about disappearing. "What do you mean by disappearing?"

"Exactly what it sounds like. Three days after the band ended I was gone, never to be seen again. The police decided it was a kidnapping, but when no ransom note surfaced they thought I ran away. They kept the case open for years, because I was such a high profile figure and a lot of people were concerned. Obviously they never found me." He winked at me, "Google it when you go home. It's been called the biggest mystery of our time."

"I won't remember," I reminded him.

"Oh yeah," he scratched his chin absentmindedly. "Do you want to frolic?"

I gave him an odd stare, "Is that a sexual reference or something? Cause the answer is no."

He let out a pretty laugh, "No, I meant run through the meadow. I know it sounds weird but the whole time we've been sitting here I've just wanted to run. Want to do it?"

I shrugged, "Sure I guess."

Toby stood up and offered me his hand, which I took. His large hand folded over my small one and he started to run, pulling me along behind him as our bare feet skimmed across the lush grass and rainbow of flowers. I felt like I was flying as the wind whipped my hair and Toby's hand tightened comfortably around mine. Every thought left my mind, every worry I ever had was gone. Nothing mattered except the pounding of my feet on the earth as I ran and ran and ran. Eventually, even Toby escaped my notice. It was just me, the earth, and the sky. Everything felt simple and beautiful and wonderful. In that moment I felt like I could do anything. That's when I noticed I actually was flying and Toby's hand was no longer in mine. He was below me, his brown hair lifted slightly by the wind as he waved to me. His mouth formed the words 'life is beautiful' and I knew I was on my way out. My final lesson had been learned.

The symbolism of my exit didn't escape me.

I was ready to fly.


	25. Chapter 25

**Almost there guys. Keep going :)**

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I opened my eyes groggily, trying to figure out why the lights seemed so harsh. My head hurt and the pulse in my wrists was more noticeable than usual. I glanced down towards them; slow recognition forming in my brain as I saw the white gauze wrapped around my arms. I began to recall my unsuccessful suicide attempt in my bathroom that morning. My wounds were still fresh.

I lifted my wrists slightly, turning them slowly as I studied the white bandages. Dangling around my thin left wrist was a braided rope that seemed to be made of nothing more than grass. I didn't remember that being there this morning. I gingerly tugged at it with my weak other hand, noting with surprise that it did not come off. The grass seemed stronger than steel.

A young looking nurse in light aqua scrubs wandered into my room, humming softly under her breath as she placed a vase full of pretty yellow flowers at my bedside.

"Hello," I murmured.

She jumped, her hand going to her heart as she turned to me. "Oh you're awake! That's wonderful. Your parents just ran out to grab a bite to eat, they should be back soon. They'll be thrilled to see you."

I just nodded, suddenly noticing the pounding headache I had. The nurse checked my bandages, then hurried out with one last smile. I dropped my head to my pillow and tried to shake the vague feeling that something even larger than my attempted suicide had happened since this morning. I couldn't put my finger on it, but in the back of my mind, something told me someone important was missing. Someone who I loved.

I shook off the feeling; the only person I had ever loved was my grandmother and she was long gone. It must just be the after effects of attempted death. I decided to focus what energy I had on the mysterious bracelet. I knew that wasn't there when I had brought the razor to my wrists this morning. I was sure of it.

I tried tugging it, slipping it off, and biting it. Nothing happened. It seemed permanently there, though it tasted and felt like normal grass. Eventually what little energy I had wore off and I drifted into a fitful sleep.

My dreams were dominated by a gorgeous brown-eyed girl I had never seen before, yet felt like I knew. I had to say I was sorry to wake up, especially since she was leaning down to kiss me as my eyes fluttered open.

I could still feel the presence of my mysterious dream girl as I looked about my hospital room. It almost felt as if she was there with me and I had to admit, it was a nice, comforting feeling. I flipped over, trying to get comfortable in the thin bed as I waited for my parents to get back and I heard a crinkling from underneath me. I reached down and snagged the picture resting in my bed.

It was a computer printout, but I could tell that it was from a long time ago. Or at least the friends in the picture were. Their clothes were so out of date I couldn't help but giggle a bit. And I never giggled.

My eyes searched the photo, marveling at the obvious beauty of the strange people. They seemed vaguely familiar and it wasn't until I noticed the girl from my dream that I began to get a little freaked out. Who were they? Why was this picture here? And what did the loopy words scrawled across the bottom of the picture mean?

I squinted, trying to read the handwriting.

"Learning our lessons is one thing, living them is another. You were born to fly Spence, so don't let the world hold you down. We love you."

I dropped the picture in a panic. Who left this here? Who were those people? What did the message mean? Who called me Spence?

A calm settled over me, as sudden as a stolen kiss. Something about the message felt right after all. The more I thought it over, the more I began to believe in myself. I could make something out of myself. Someone out there loved me, thought I was unsure who, and I would do it for them.

I was going to soar.

* * *

**Even though there's an epilogue I just wanted to thank everyone who has basically been with my story from the start. As I said before, all good things must come to an end. Remember that life is beautiful and great and just freaking amazing, although it has its dark times but in the end everything always gets better, one way or another. Just letting you know if you ever need anything I'm here for you, to share my bad jokes and try my best at being a friend (somewhat even though I'm awkward af). Basically, don't be afraid to PM me or something. I won't say I won't bite because I'm actually known for biting people if they piss me off. BUT NEVERMIND THAT. I love you guys. Quite a lot.**

**Bye for now, not forever.**


	26. Epilogue

When I fell asleep I was an old woman with a long and pretty successful life behind me. My attempted suicide had straightened my path and after a switch of schools and long talks with my parents, my life had turned around. I had gone on to have a great job and many lovely friends, but I had never married. I had just never found the right person.

When I woke up, I was eighteen and bundled in the covers of a bed that seemed vaguely familiar. I was alone and dressed in a small lace nightgown that rustled against my thighs when I flipped my legs off the bed. The quality of light streaming in through the window was poor, but I recognized the room as the one in which I had lost my virginity, something I had never remembered in my actual life.

With a suddenness that surprised me, everything came rushing back.

"Emily!"

My bare feet hit the carpeted floor and I took off, throwing open the closed door as I tore down the hallway. The familiar house rang with my screams as I searched for the girl who I now knew was my one true love. "Emily!"

I took the ride down the banister, giggling a little with the absolute ecstasy of being back here. I couldn't wait to see Emily again. I headed for the kitchen, figuring that was where she would most likely be. When it came up empty I paused for a minute to think. If she was in the house she would have heard my screams; that meant she must be outside.

I hurried towards the back door and paused with my hand on the knob, a deep breath filling my lungs as I prepared for this moment. I was shaking with excitement, my heart pounding in my ears and my body tingling with delight. I could see Emily; she was sitting with her head bent over what looked to be a soccer ball, the soft curve of her spine visible underneath her gray tee-shirt. I needed to see her face, to hear her voice, to feel the lazy thump of her heart next to mine as our skin pressed together and our breath mixed. I needed more than anything to be in her arms.

I opened the door slowly, cautiously, unsure of how she would react to seeing me. Surely thousands of girls had passed through in my absence, perhaps she had forgotten me. I slipped silently into the yard, my bare feet muffled by the grass that grew in a thick blanket over the backyard. Emily hadn't turned and I knew it was because she hadn't heard me, but I still felt a little worried. I tried to reassure myself that she had to love me or I wouldn't be there, but after so many years it was hard to still believe it.

I crossed the yard at a leisurely pace, waiting for any sign of recognition from the bent head of the girl I loved. She was still oblivious to my presence.

As I moved closer, I noticed it wasn't a soccer ball she had in front of her, but a notebook resting on a soccer ball. She was so engrossed in whatever she was writing that she didn't even look up as I moved to stand directly behind her. I tried to sneak a peek at what she was writing, but everything was covered by her arm except for the top line which read 'Dear Spence' It seems she hadn't forgotten me after all.

I didn't want to startle her too badly, so I gave a gentle cough and waited for her to acknowledge me. Her head whipped around at the small noise and her brown eyes widened when they landed on me. By the time she had thrown aside her letter and jumped up to embrace me, she was openly crying.

I hugged her back tightly, my own tears beginning to flow as she repeated my name over and over again. I never wanted to let her go and she seemed to be having the same thoughts, because it felt like hours had passed before we finally drew apart.

As soon as we separated Emily looked at me with those flawless eyes, the love shining through in her gaze enough to leave me breathless. Two seconds later I was in her arms again.

I pushed into her warm body as I tried to snuggle closer to the beat of her heart and she fell backwards on to the grass, letting out a pretty giggle as I fell with her. She bundled me to her chest as our lips found each other's and our bare legs tangled.

This time when she pulled away she kept her hands grazing my waist. I had never seen a brighter smile in my life.

Emily's perfectly pink lips parted and the musical sound of her voice filled the silence that had settled over the backyard, "I knew you'd come back. I just knew it." Then she pressed her mouth to mine again and I remembered what it was like to be loved.

"You were there," I whispered against her lips, "my whole life, watching over me. Just like you promised."

She nodded, her hand reaching up to push a stray strand of hair away from my face. "And you lived a wonderful life, just like you promised."

"I love you," I murmured, pressing my cheek to her dewy skin.

"And I love you," her lips trailed across mine. "Welcome to the rest of forever."

* * *

**_Sleep tight bitches. - A_**


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